June 10, 2010Poison Phrase: It is what it is
People complain that television normalizes violence. We see so much of it we don’t have human responses to it anymore. I agree. I also find that our corporate cultures have normalized ignominious corporate behavior.
It’s not that I think we should get self-righteous and fight to right every wrong. If we do that, we won’t have time to enjoy our lives. However, it is to say that if we grow indifferent to the outrage of it, we’ve lost some of our own humanity. Dismissive phrases like:
- It is what it is
ignore the fact that it doesn’t make it right, appropriate or ethical.
A reader submitted the “is what it is” phrase when I opened the discussion to pet peeve poison phrases. I didn’t understand the poison in it like I do now. I since found that truly good people use this to normalize ignominious corporate behavior.
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Hmmmm… I confess I use this phrase sometimes. I have only started using it recently however. For me it is a recognition of the “reality” of my current experience. Once I recognize the reality then I can deal with it rather than deny it or the power I have given it over my life. So I’m not sure I call this a “poison” phrase in the negative sense. I am reminded of walking into a neighborhood pub and the bartender asking me, “What’s your poison?” Perhaps it is true that one person’s poison is another’s elixir.
Comment by Brent — June 11, 2010 @ 8:46 am
As with many phrases, they can be poison or power depending on how they are used. When used to excuse bad behavior, or moral or ethical wrongs at any level, it is poison. When used to acknowledge and accept those circumstances in our lives that we cannot change, it can allow us to rise above them and move forward. As the Serenity Prayer says, with wisdom we seek to discern the difference.
Comment by Cindy — June 11, 2010 @ 9:07 am
I am more in line with Brent’s thoughts. I use “it is what it is” to remind myself that I can’t change a situation, so how am I going to respond. I think this is similar to what Brent is saying about letting go of the power a situation has in his life. I used to expend a lot of unnecessary mental and emotional energy with anger over a situation I could not change, wasting the opportunity to decide how I was going to respond proactively given the situation. “It is what it is” moves me on the the “respond” step sooner.
Comment by Maggie — June 11, 2010 @ 9:17 am
I actually use it myself in ways. In fact in certain contexts, it’s a PowerPhrase IMO –because it gets us over magical child thinking that we can fight reality. So in a way its a foundation for alchemy in the next direction. The problem comes if we use it to justify indifference and bad behavior. So I say, Brent, go ahead and use it. Just don’t use it to justify bad behavior.
I also say I’m delighted that you’re still reading my newsletter!
Comment by merylrunion — June 11, 2010 @ 12:33 pm
Well durn, Cindy, I was posting the same point you made at the same time you made it. I like the way you made it better,
Comment by merylrunion — June 11, 2010 @ 12:39 pm
Maggie, you’re right. That’s why I didn’t understand why it was a Poison Phrase when someone first suggested it to me. I had to hear it used in a minimizing way to get how it can be used to justify indifference. Yep – properly used it’s a tool for moving forward.
Comment by merylrunion — June 11, 2010 @ 12:41 pm
Where I live and work, the prevailing attitude is often what I like to call, “head-in-sand syndrome,” so I come into contact with this phrae, and it’s many variations, often.
When i use it myself, however, I find a definite pattern emerge. I have learned that when I encounter an obstacle to a given task, I will usually attack it with an almost obsessive mindset until I can defeat it, or work around it in a satisfactory way. Sometimes there isn’t a work-around. In those cases I will sometimes keep obsessing about ways to defeat it, to the point of complete ineffectiveness, and to the exclusion of other tasks or needs. In these cases, I have recently started to give myself permission to move on by acknowledging that “it is what it is.” It stops me from wallowing in the ideas of what I wish “it” to be, and allows me to deal with what “it” is.
Comment by Ken Rhodes — June 16, 2010 @ 12:12 pm