June 10, 2010Reader Success Story: Trainer applies PowerPhrases when sideswiped at a seminar
A reader wrote:
“As a professional trainer I sometimes have colleagues visit my class to observe and learn. Recently I was working with a female colleague who traveled with me for a week. Quite honestly we didn’t “click”, and the week was turning out to be quite a challenge. Mid-week she was sitting in on a class I teach on dealing with emotions. At one point in the class I asked if someone in the class would engage me in a difficult conversation. The point being to show how to diffuse someone when you’re angry.
No one ever wants to do it – I always have to talk someone into it. But her hand went STRAIGHT up. So I called on her and she said, “Yeah – what’s up with your hair?!” (I had my hair clipped up that day). I had 75 women in the room waiting to see how I would respond. My adrenaline rushed and my face turned bright red – we had already had so many problems. I was angry and embarrassed.
Prior to learning PowerPhrases I probably would have had a small meltdown. But I paused and found a phrase. ”What would make you ask me a question like that?” I said. It’s funny, because I was so proud of myself for speaking strong – I thought we were through. Turns out we weren’t. Then she said, “I don’t know. Turn around. I think you look pretty unprofessional!” Wow! I paused again and found another phrase. ”Well, I do want to hear your comments, but not the pot shots.”
I gained a tremendous amount of confidence that day and I have Meryl’s PowerPhrases to thank. The best communication book ever.”
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Wow! I would like to congratulate the trainer for having the presence of mind to stay strong in the face of such open hostility, especially in front of an audience. It can be so easy to just react to nasty comments in the heat of the moment. Well done for keeping your cool and responding the way you did. I hope it made the aggressive woman think about her behaviour towards other people.
Comment by Anita — June 11, 2010 @ 2:10 am
She did a great job, didn’t she!
Comment by merylrunion — June 11, 2010 @ 12:46 pm
I wonder what the other class members thought? My guess is that this was scripted, and you did a wonderful job of handling the situation. I would love to know how you handled the conversation that you needed to have with her afterwards!
Comment by SLCCOM — June 11, 2010 @ 10:43 pm
I too would be interested in the “after” conversation. That’s the first thing I thought of when I read the story — excellent choices for responses, but she’s not done yet. The funny thing is, these conversations sometimes open up into great opportunities to connect. More than once I have had to move on from a hostile response to having a private conversation and found that misperceptions had fouled the atmosphere between myself and the other party. Once the opening shot was fired, so to speak, honest communication could commence to clear the air. I have often found we can actually like each other afterward because we know we can be honest with each other.
Comment by Grace — June 12, 2010 @ 7:38 am
The two phrases are really good. I would use them next time when I face such hostility at work. BTW, will you share the latter part of the story?
Comment by Mag Li — June 13, 2010 @ 9:16 am
I’ve had the opportunity to attend a class of this trainer and she told this story to us, she was 1st class through the whole situation.
Comment by Michelle — June 15, 2010 @ 7:32 am
Right ON! Power to the people!
This story is the very reason I read and re-read Meryl’s books; to have the phrases there when they are needed. The principles too that back up the phrases.
Congratulations in turning a potential disaster into a demonstration on how to do it right.
I am impressed.
Comment by Malcolm — June 16, 2010 @ 7:58 pm
Malcolm – nice to hear from you again! Yep – isn’t it great when we can respond so well in the moment! I a still stunned into speechlessness at times – but not like I once was.
Comment by merylrunion — June 18, 2010 @ 9:17 am