June 10, 2010Success story in progress: responding to corporate ignominy
Speaker Mike Scott notes that the difference between a reaction and a response is… (drum roll please) about three seconds.
I love this. I also say the difference is the degree of conscious choice in our actions. The measure of our communication maturity is how long it takes to go from feeling threatened or victimized to consciously exploring the opportunity in the offense, mistake or problem, and move forward.
But that doesn’t mean we act immediately. We study what cards we have in our hand so we can play them carefully and in sequence.
I am a success story in progress. A senselessly heartless corporate action (or non-action) changed the landscape of my life almost overnight. Yes, I did lose a little sleep over it. I also saw an opportunity in it immediately. I’m still reviewing the cards in my deck, lining up my ducks, and choosing my responses.
I invite you to be a part of my success story as it unfolds. Please stay tuned, as SpeakStrong explores empowered responses to corporate ignominy. The story will unfold in subsequent weeks. I will want, need and welcome your help and support.
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Wow! You hint at something happening that is the very definition of ignominy – disgraceful or dishonorable conduct, quality, or action. I’m sorry to hear that this particular organization betrayed you. I have been in HR for many years and strive to always allow people to keep their dignity. Corporations are made up of people so it is those people who need to be held accountable for their behaviors, or lack thereof. I hope this experience brings you strength and insight. I’ve used your PowerPhrases for years and strive always to listen to what is being said to me. Thank you for the insights.
Comment by Denise — June 11, 2010 @ 8:23 am
Denise, I’ll be doing more than hinting in the weeks to come. I am so happy to hear from HR readers who protect dignity. I expect my reader base is full of them. Thanks for your well wishes. It will lead to all that – especially with the support of readers who share my values and add their clarity to my perspectives.
Comment by merylrunion — June 11, 2010 @ 12:45 pm
Meryl–
I’m sorry for whatever has happened to you and I thank you for this sentence:
“The measure of our communication maturity is how long it takes to go from feeling threatened or victimized to consciously exploring the opportunity in the offense, mistake or problem, and move forward.”
I think I should frame it and read it when ever I start feeling like, “poor me.”
Comment by Diane Windingland — June 11, 2010 @ 1:37 pm
Thanks, Diane.
I also will suggest that we not rush it. There is no timetable. When someone mistreats us, it’s healthy to feel pain – just not to wallow in it. Sometimes people suggest that healthy reactions are ego attachments that should be suppressed. That can actually slow the process down.
Not that you were suggesting that – more that you gave me the opportunity to note it.
Comment by merylrunion — June 11, 2010 @ 1:45 pm
My life was changed overnight due to lack of support and the poor choices of senior/management staff. I felt totally betrayed by them but so supported by many other colleagues for which I am very grateful. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason and while we cannot always see the reasons initially they do appear at some stage. I believe this has happened to me to allow me to see the strength and abilities that I have and to believe in myself which I have not always done. I am now 18 months on looking at promotion and believe I am worthy of it and capable of doing it well. I still have moments of grieving for what I had but then I realise that what I have now is far greater with many more interesting options for me. Thanks for your wonderful empowering words.
Regards Jo
Comment by Jo-Anne — June 14, 2010 @ 5:34 pm
Jo – thanks for sharing your story. It helps for people who are experiencing a betrayal, to hear from people who are further down the road in healing the wound and creating something wonderful out of it. It’s alchemy.
And it’s also useful to remember that grief is a part of the process. It would be nice to skip that part, and I will say that I seem to have moved through it pretty quickly this time. But it takes as long as it takes to process these things and emerge a butterfly with a completely new identity. And, as you mention, we can think we’re out and revisit for a while. Being human is like that.
Comment by merylrunion — June 15, 2010 @ 12:13 pm
RE: I’m not tied up, I am engaged.
Same situation applies when someone asks if your boss is “busy” or “handy.” I couldn’t resist the urge one time when someone known well to me called and asked if my boss was busy. I said, “No, actually she’s eating bon-bons and painting her nails. Would you like to speak to her?” The caller thought it was hilarious. I got a similar response when I asked my brother if my sister-in-law was handy. He replied, “No, she’s not very handy at all. I do most of the repairs around here.”
Comment by Gwen — June 23, 2010 @ 10:57 am
Hmmm…I think I agree with you, partly. I don’t care for the “tied up” visual either, but I prefer “I’m busy until 11:30,” to “I’m engaged.” While accurate, using the word “engaged” seems pretentious to me.
Comment by Debbie — June 28, 2010 @ 1:06 pm
You’re right, Debi. “Scheduled” works too, I think/
Comment by merylrunion — June 28, 2010 @ 1:11 pm