July 6, 2010PowerPhrase: Assuming she’s a good person, why would she feel justified doing that? @danmulhern

Filed under: The PowerPhrase of the Week by merylrunion |

Dan Mulhern blogged that he blew it on independence day. He talked about how he went into a reaction and became judgmental and argumentative.

I commented that he didn’t blow it since he turned it into a teaching and learning experience. Some of the comments provide good insight in how to respond rather than react when these things happen. One was the PowerPhrase:

What are you afraid of?

that a dorm proctor asked students when they were triggered, rather than asking what they were angry about. That takes the discussion to a more sensitive level. Another commenter noted that judgment and being right provide cheap thrills.

I was stunned recently when a new vendor I felt a nice association with misunderstood something I wrote in an email, and changed from friendly to a chilly tone, sending me an invoice for 4x any amount she had stated with fees added on she never mentioned. In my sifting through the experience, my husband asked,

Assuming she’s a good person, why would she feel justified doing that?

Not only do I prefer assuming we’re good people, it’s a much more effective place to start. Yes, it’s helpful to know that some people use business practices we wouldn’t, or react in ways we don’t want to subject ourselves to in the future. But all those decisions are more easily made when we start with the assumption that we’re both good people, and inquiring why they – and we – feel justified doing what we do. We still might not ultimately be a match, but at least we don’t hang horns on each other.