July 13, 2010Poison Phrase: There are two sides to every story.
It sounds so reasonable, and that’s what makes it so poisonous. George took over a marketing project from Tom. Tom had done almost nothing on the project, so George had to scramble, and he did a fabulous job. He was not a bit happy to learn that Tom was taking credit as if he had done it alone.
Tom listened to George’s objections, but didn’t really hear. He told George,
-I’ll think about what you said. After all, there are two sides to every story.
Actually, there are more than two sides. Every story has multiple dimensions. But more than that, Tom’s comment dismisses George’s concern by indicating that both sides have equal validity.
Yes, and if a thief and an honest man disagree, the thief might make the same argument. It’s not an argument I would make, however.
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Hi Meryl,
I am enjoying your posts and am surprised to find this one confusing. I think the typo of ‘he told Tom’ when it should be ‘Tom responded to George with’ is only a part of the problem.
Is the story about George, who it starts out with, or about Tom, who is using the poisonous phrase?
I had something similar happen to me, where I delegated a task, then took credit for it. In my defense, I thought I did a good job of delegating, and was a little brain dead from a particularly crazy and unusual travel and training schedule. (My job didn’t include travel or training.) So when a co-worker commented, “I thought Teena said she did most of the work,” it gave me pause and I realized that was correct and shut up about my participation. I don’t know how I would have responded if I had been directly challenged in my claims.
What are you suggesting as an alternate response?
Marcia
Comment by Marcia Mehlhaff — July 20, 2010 @ 11:29 am
First, you’re right. I got Tom and George mixed up. Don’t be too surprised – I try very hard but am error prone. I changed it.
Second, I love it when readers tell stories on themselves. We all do things like this, and it helps us be able to admit it when we hear others freely tell their tales.
Third, you DID do a brilliant job delegating! So you might choose to playfully note how great your delegation was by saying something, like,
* I must have been some kind of genius to think to delegate this to someone as capable and brilliant as Teena.
That adds to Teena instead of taking away from her. And give you credit for your exact role in the project.
Comment by merylrunion — July 20, 2010 @ 4:31 pm
I love the examples you offer, Meryl, as they really bring life to the topics raised. However, I wonder if another sentence may improve this one. While George may be right, it seemed to me that neither George nor Tom had listened to the other person’s perspective before reaching a conclusion. Maybe Tom is stealing credit due to George or maybe George didn’t have all the information that Tom did about what had occured (e.g. heard half a conversation) or perhaps their expectations weren’t aligned for some other reason. Of course, George’s complaint would be validated if Tom’s “side” turns out to be not aligned with norms/ expectations.
Comment by K — July 21, 2010 @ 11:17 am
I agree with K’s point. But then, for several years, I’ve been very fond of saying, “There are at least three sides to every story.” I use that phrase to remind myself and others that when taking a “he said, she said” type of argument, you have to remember that there are sometimes other factors involved that are being overlooked (or purposely omitted) in both stories.
Comment by Ken Rhodes — July 22, 2010 @ 10:17 am