July 26, 2010Communication challenges are opportunities. Gossip and manipulation webinar tomorrow is an opportunity to dynamize communication.

I love talking about collaborative, synergistic communication. And even though I’ll be detailing workplace gossip and manipulation in the www.perfectphrases.com webinar tomorrow, it gives me an opportunity to talk about the kind of dynamic communication I teach.

Gossip and manipulation give me the opportunity to talk about dynamic communication, and the tips, tools and phrases I’ll be sharing will give you the opportunity to improve the dynamics of your communication with others. Join us! it’s free!

July 26, 2010Poison Phrase: everyone knows we only get one shot at happiness

It’s fascinating to hear people proclaim their own personal philosophy as if it is absolute truth, especially when their philosophy is fatalistic. In the special features  to the movie Revolutionary Road, one of the producers stated twice that

- Everyone knows we only get one shot at happiness.

Everyone knows? I don’t – and I don’t want to know that. Generalizations like that tend to be Poison Phrases, and this one is in particular.

July 20, 2010PowerPhrase: Who are you depressed at?

I’ve heard that depression is anger turned inward, and it strikes me as a likely truth. However, when someone is depressed, you probably don’t want to inform them of this theory. You might consider asking them,

• Who are  you depressed at?

It has the same ring of probability, but doesn’t have the smack of psychologizing someone. There’s enough levity in it, that it can get past defenses.

July 18, 2010Success Story: Collaborating seminar temperatures

I saw a trainer handle the seminar temperature issue by asking,

• If you’re cold and you want the temperature up, point your thumb up. If it feels just right, point your thumb to the side. If it’s too warm and you want the temperature down, point your thumb down.

I also started carrying a thermometer with me, and announce the temperature before I take the survey. Often people are sure it’s in the mid 60′s when it’s actually low 70′s. It helps to have an objective measure. A thermometer is particularly useful when the temperature can’t be adjusted since it’s rarely as extreme as people suspect.

Another phrase I picked up from speaker Christine Holton is,

• Hotels have two temperatures. Arctic Circle and hatching baby chicks.

A little humor doesn’t alter the temperature, but it does lighten the mood.

July 18, 2010Poison Phrase: You’re always cold.

While there were a lot of different opinions about how to respond to a coworker who regularly complains about the cold, everyone steered clear of,

-You’re always cold.

and,

-You’re always complaining.

As tempting at those comments are, they’re counterproductive generalizations.

July 18, 2010Reader question about handling office gossip

Reading your article about handling gossip, I cannot see how stating that “anyone found gossiping will be dismissed” would work. How would you prove this? You would need to tape conversations and that would not be honest, so even threatening it gives little credence to the manager’s words.

Response:

What it did was give the people who were being drawn into it an external reason not to engage. But I wasn’t giving Steve’s approach a full endorsement. It was an example of a way that worked with some limitations.

I’ll make more distinctions at the July 27th webinar. Register at www.perfectphrases.com.

July 18, 2010PowerPhrase: What would you like me to do about it?

Last week’s post about the office whiner who continually complained about the cold brought up some great comments and recommendations. It was hard to pick the best suggestions, but here are a few that Tracy suggested in her comment..You can read the posts here. Tracy gives examples of how the phrases have worked for her.

• What would you like me to do?

Sometimes they just want a sympathetic ear. Another suggestion is,

• What do you think you should do?

Followed by:

• That’s a great solution.

Mary gave a goal in her post. She noted,

• Goal here: find an agreeable solution for the entire office or create a solution: wear layers!

Thanks for the excellent contributions! Read them all here.

July 18, 2010Two ways to get a copy of SpeakStrong for free

I have promotional copies of my book SpeakStrong that I will send to you for free – including shipping. Here’s what you do to get one.

1. Order my new edition of Perfect Phrases for Managers and Supervisors from theSpeakStrong Store or from Amazon and post a review on Amazon by August 1st. (I extended the date for that offer from my previous post.) Let me know once you’ve posted it.

2. Comment on my blog. I will select one commenter each week to win a promotional copy of SpeakStrong.

Here are a few tips for writing reviews and comments. And guess what? They are simple PowerPhrase principles.

1. Be brief. Usually, less really is more.

2. Be specific. Illustrate points and give examples.

3. Be targeted. Start out with a writing objective.

4. Say what you mean. Be personal. Write from your heart and original thoughts.

5. Mean what you say. If anything doesn’t quite pass your authenticity meter, rework it.

6. Don’t be mean when you say it. While you might take issue with something I write or wish to note a point I omit, (and my best contributors often do,) be graceful in your expression. If you post about “someone who done you wrong,” avoid demonizing the person.

Those tips are helpful for reviews and blog comments – and emails and just about everything.

July 14, 2010Who do you consult before you speak? Your lawyer, mediator, minister, colleagues, conscience…?

Who is on your communication team? I recently had a contentious communication situation. I felt pretty certain about how I wanted to respond, but just to make sure, I spoke with my lawyer to find out what I was obligated to do, my minister to find out what was right to do, a mediator to find out what it was possible to do, a colleague to find out what was standard to do, and my own conscience to know what I could live with.

I handled it pretty much the way I intended at the outset, but welcomed the perspectives. I particularly liked the input from the friend who said, “I don’t just say no to her demands, I say #&@% no. ” Let’s just say her input was emotionally gratifying. I like being right as much as anyone else.

July 13, 2010Reader question: A Cold Case – and office whiner

A reader asks:

Someone in my office is always cold.  That’s the focus of her day. I’d really like to know what she wears at home because the office is always 72-74 degrees .

Response:

I relate to this question of dealing with anyone who complains rather than doing anything about a problem. I have a friend who complains about being broke when I talk to him, but whenever I suggest ideas for his business, he is insulted that I would try to advise him, and will preemptively dismiss any suggestions I have. Sound familiar?

Here’s what I’d say.

• When I hear you complain about being cold, it frustrates me, because I want to help but feel powerless to do anything. It seems to me that there are some things you can do to keep warm that you don’t do.  So unless you have a clear idea of how I can help you, please don’t complain to me about it.

Another approach might be,

• What do you want me to do with that information?

Or:

• I understand you’re cold. What can you do about it?

I like the first approach best, myself.

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