August 3, 2010Triangulation: A usually dysfunctional but occasionally adorable communication dynamic

Filed under: Kids by merylrunion |

We had a young visitor this week. I haven’t been around a two-year-old for years. It was fascinating.

When her mommy wouldn’t let her have something she wanted, guess what the first words out of her trembling mouth were…

- Daddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Daddy wasn’t there, and Mommy told us that’s what she does when Mommy doesn’t give her what she wants.

Guess what she says when Daddy doesn’t give her what she wants!

If this youngster is lucky, Mommy and Daddy collaborate with each other rather than let her play them against each other. If she’s not lucky, she learns a dynamic that we often see in our workplaces.

Triangulation. Playing one person off against another. I hear about it a lot.

Well, truthfully I feel the impulse to triangulate myself. Someone disagrees with something I feel strongly about, and I want to call someone else to get someone to agree with me. It’s harmless if I know what I’m doing and I don’t alienate anyone against anyone else. It’s destructive if I do it to create an unholy alliance that feeds our self-righteousness and diminishes someone else – and divides a unit.

It’s adorable in a charming two-year old. It’s less adorable in an adult. With any luck, our inner Mommies and Daddies are on to us, and guide us to act like adults, even when our inner two-year old wants what it wants and is willing to divide to conquer. It takes two to triangulate. Strange math, I know.