August 3, 2010You can’t talk your way out of a problem you acted your way into – but you can act your way to a new level

Filed under: New Dynamics by merylrunion |

My husband enjoys reading Dear Amy – although his skip her replies. Today she published a letter from a man who wants to regain his wife’s trust after two affairs, one lasting ten years with his wife’s best friend. I’m reminded of Stephen Covey’s comment,

You can’t talk your way out of a problem you acted your way into.

I will add, however, that if you’re really willing to do what it takes, you might be able to talk and act your way to a new beginning at a higher level. It’s called addressing the issue at the source, and giving a reason – a genuine reason – to believe this time will be different.

Easy to say. Difficult to do. How bad do you want it?

Affairs, like heart attacks, happen for reasons. If you have a heart attack and change your diet and exercise completely, I just might believe you won’t have another one. If you have a heart attack and carry on as before, proclaiming earnestly that you will never have another, I’ll doubt your words.

And if someone has an affair and takes the experience as a catalyst to really address personal and relational issues, and start giving 100% to the marriage, making the health of the union priority, not only can trust be restored, but the affair, as painful as it was, could turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to the marriage. (Please note, I am not justifying the betrayal.)

There’s another element that is often overlooked. The duped partner had to have some denial going on not to know her hubby and best friend were lying to her for ten years. If both partners decide it’s time to get totally committed and authentic, the odds are even greater.

But the real purpose of this post is to say that situations that could be poison can often be turned into catalysts to operate dynamic new levels. It all depends on how bad you want it. Bad enough to get real and really show up? I predict success if you do.