August 17, 2010AMC’s Mad Men almost a PowerPhrase: “I would appreciate it for the future if you did not say sh**y things about me behind my back.”

Filed under: The PowerPhrase of the Week by merylrunion |

Well, he didn’t use a phrase I can quote verbatim here, but I loved the fact that Mad Men’scharacter Ken Cosgrove addressed his displeasure at discovering that the Pete was gossiping about him. He said,

I would appreciate it for the future if you did not say sh***y things about me behind my back.

Pete danced and deflected, but then apologized sincerely, and the two men enjoyed honest interaction after that. In fact, Ken gave Pete an idea that turned out to be extremely lucrative. In this case, humility paid off. It usually does.

In true Speak Strong fashion, Ken said what he meant and meant what he said without being mean when he said it. He:

1) Stated what he wanted, (said what he meant)

2) Didn’t let Pete get away with deflection attempts, (meant what he said) and,

3) Was not unnecessarily shaming or harsh. Once he accomplished his mission, he let it go. He wasn’t mean when he said it.

I don’t have a problem with the expletive in this case because it almost certainly was appropriate to this culture. In another culture, it could trigger a reaction that would sabotage the effort.

I address gossip with clients when I help them establish communication agreements. When teams decide what kind of communication dynamics they want to have, they become more conscious of existing dynamics. When a group commits to steps to create collaborative communication cultures, the negative dynamics, like gossip, often drop off naturally. (I can guide the process with your group in a webinar format as well as in person.)

Some groups are comfortable with the expletives, but I have yet to find one that opts for gossip.