Posts by Meryl:
- Are you aware that your husband has a terminal disease?
- Are you aware you are dying?
- Are you ready?
- Read it again. It makes me happy to hear it.
- There is trapped energy all over the place, potentially released in brilliant flashes and breakthroughs.
- Your task and mine is to engage people. Get them to become energy producers, instead of passive, underutilized, and complaining users of the energy thrown off by old authorities – politics, church, and the educational monolith (whose structures and methods still resemble Cambridge of 1700 or the one-room school houses of the 1800′s).
- Can I help?
PowerPhrase: Mom, are you aware you’re dying? Are you ready?
September 2nd, 2010You don’t know until you’ve been there, but other people’s experiences can help. how do you talk to people in their final days? How do you tell someone they’re dying?
I was deeply grateful when Deepak Chopra cut through the pervasive denial in 1986 and asked me,
A Salon.com article has a post from a woman who posed a similar question to her mother.
The first time her mother wasn’t. The second time she was, and was able to respond yes, when the woman asked,
To me, idle small talk is painful when we are going through a major life transition. When death is too painful to talk about, it might even be more painful not to talk about.
Want influence? Individualize, Individualize, Individualize.
September 1st, 2010I’ve spoken with a number of consultants lately. Some have been very specific. Others clearly hadn’t taken any time to find out who I was. Too bad. We might have done business together. It’s a bit like a doctor diagnosing without performing an exam. They wouldn’t do that… oh, wait…
One consultant stands out in particular. I had paid for a short consultation to see if I wanted to work with her on a larger basis. She dished out generic advice that made it clear she hadn’t even glanced at my homepage. In the course of the conversation, she commented that consulting work was down these day. She noted, “I don’t know why…” I could have given her a few reasons and would have if I thought she would begin to listen.
In my Perfect Phrases for Managers and Supervisors and my upcoming Perfect Phrases for Developing Dynamic Leaders, I talk about how important it is to treat each employee and emerging leader as an individual.
Unless you don’t have any interest in having influence. In that case, cookie cutter will do just fine, thanks.
Poison Phrase: That’s nothing!
August 31st, 2010At a network event this evening, a woman was telling us about how a buffalo had escaped from a nearby slaughterhouse and was walking down West Colorado Avenue. (A fairly busy street in town.)
Another lady commented,
-That’s nothing,
And proceeded to talk about seeing an entire family of deer.
She caught herself and apologized for her dismissive comment. Grace was restored – and I got a new Poison Phrase to post.
That’s something!
PowerPhrase: read it to me again. It makes me happy.
August 31st, 2010One friend in particular always leaves me feeling loved and supported. Today, the particular comment that warmed my heart came when I read him the introduction my editor wrote to another editor telling her how great I am. It touched my heart to read, but touched my heart even more when I shared it with this dear friend who replied by saying,
Which I gladly did. About as perfect a response as I could imagine. Can you imagine a world when we all responded to each other so tenderly?
Song Helps to SpeakStrong #3: Critter Tales
August 29th, 2010Many of our neighbors have dogs. Some have great relationships and their dogs do what they want, including coming when
they call. Others train their dogs not to come, thinking they’re training them to come.
When their dog harasses someone (for example, me…) these people angrily shout, “Come here!” If he does come, they scold him. They go on and on about how horrible the dog is. Hmmm… not real inviting! Usually the dogs ignore their owners and do whatever they wish.
Our cat comes almost every time we call her, because she knows she’s into something good. We even sing to her. She prances around in response to us singing her praises, rubbing against every corner and chair leg she can find.
A PowerPhrase is as strong as it needs to be and no stronger. For many of us, learning to Speak Strong means sweetening it up. It can even mean singing. You might not want to open your board meeting that way – but if you hum a tune on your way over, you just might find the whole discussion goes more smoothly.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, my cat is singing to me, and I’d like to go listen. Purrrrr.
I am planning how-to webinars this fall, so do stay tuned, plus my SpeakStrong book give lots of very practical tips about how to express emotions in ways that empower everyone.
Songs Help to SpeakStrong #2: Sing to Soothe Instead of Scold to Stifle
August 28th, 2010
Music is an undervalued communication resource. When I was growing up, my mother used to sing a lot. She couldn’t carry a tune, but she was vibrantly alive. Her songs filled me with joy and remain in my heart to this day.
When my best friend was dying in the hospital, I sang to her. She’d ask me to sing the “Everybody Loves Cindi” song. It was an honor. After she died, her boyfriend commented on how the tone of my ministering to her was an incredibly sweet experience in contrast to the hospital environment and their own conversations.
I see parents shushing babies on airplanes. Some even slap their small ones. I know from my experience that most of the time, singing to my little guy soothed him into silence or cooing. It had positive side-effects – not negative ones.
I’d much rather sing to soothe than scold to stifle. That’s speaking Strong, Smart AND Sweet.
Song Helps to SpeakStrong. Harmonies smooth the expression of anger
August 27th, 2010It happens. Someone I care about let me down, and I was upset. I was out-of-balance angry.
How did I know I was out of balance? All the flaws and limits of my dear associate seemed bigger than life. I had a legitimate issue to discuss, and I needed to get back in balance so I could speak from heart.
And music was key to make that happen. Several minute into listening to sweet music, I found my agitation softening. I lost my self-righteous drive to say a thing or two about a thing or two to set things “right.” I was able to communicate my upset with a velvet knife instead of a sledge hammer. We had a lovely dialogue that left us feeling closer than ever.
Sometimes song can help us SpeakStrong…Smart and Sweet.
I am planning how-to webinars this fall, so do stay tuned, plus my SpeakStrong book gives lots of very practical tips about how to express emotions in ways that empower everyone.
@danmulhern quote – There is trapped energy all over the place, potentially released in brilliant flashes and breakthrough
August 23rd, 2010I got energized just reading this sentence In Dan Mulhern’s latest post.
He goes on to say,
This is what the new Dynamics of Communication and my Dynamic Leadership model are all about. Untrapping energy. Not letting outdated structures limit our ability to respond to life as it unfolds.
Check his whole article out. http://www.danmulhern.com/2010/08/tap-the-power-oil-and-the-crow/
PowerPhrase: Can I help? Flight attendant takes baby from mother after slapping
August 19th, 2010Is she a hero, or intrusive? A flight attendant took a 7 month old baby from her mother when the mother slapped the baby for kicking her.
The father joined the flight attendant at the back of the plane and they soothed the infant to sleep.
This article talks about how helpless many people feel when faced with aggression toward children in public.
My guess from the article is the intervention is likely to lead to this mother to develop new parenting skills. I hope so.
One person is quoted in the article as suggesting that simply asking
Often reduces the tension before it reaches that level.
I’m in the camp that applauds the flight attendant, but like everything else, it’s not black and white. If I felt a need to right every parenting wrong I see when I fly, I’d be very busy indeed. And intrusive. But there is a point where we know we can’t stay silent. We can start by offering help. I find myself playing a game of peek-a-boo with a restless child on just about every flight.
I can think of a few times in the past where I wish I had spoken up for a child. How about you?
How to Talk to Your Doctor radio interview
August 19th, 2010Last week I gave an interview about being assertive with your doctor. Yesterday I had a long talk with a friend who had to practice that art under very difficult circumstances. To put it in her words, “it’s hard to argue with your doctor when an ambulance he called without informing you is waiting for you.”
How assertive should you be with your doctor? And how do you prepare for a doctor visit in order to get the most out of the 15 minutes that the average appointment allows for? Since 85% of patients don’t get to finish their opening sentance how can you communicate in ways that get your concerns heard and give the doc the information he or she needs to treat you properly?
And how do you get establish a partnership relationship with your doctor? Is it even possible?
This was the topic for a radio show I interviewed for called Clint’s Cures.
You can hear the archive of our conversation here. It could make the difference between a successful doctor visit and a frustrating one.
You can also read an article about How to Talk to Your Doctor here.
