September 15, 2010When a manager lies: How to get your manager to level with you
I gave an interview today to a women’s magazine editor researching an article based on a Stanford research project about how to tell when a CEO lies. Here are some clues a CEO might be lying.
“For one, they seldom referred to themselves or their firms in the first person; “I” and “we” were replaced by terms like “the team” and “the company.” Deceitful executives passed up humdrum adjectives like “solid” and “respectable” in favor of gushing words like “fantastic,” and (not surprisingly) they seldom mentioned shareholder value.
They also tended to buttress their points with references to general knowledge with phrases like “you know” and to make short statements with little hesitation, presumably because they had carefully scripted the untruths in advance and had no interest in lingering on them.”
The interview I gave was for an article about how to get to the truth when our own manager lies.
Responding to questions today reminded me of the questions people asked me during my McGraw Hill Gossip Management webinar. The webinar was directed to help managers create the kind of communication culture where gossip doesn’t happen, but many attendees wanted to know how to handle a manager who gossips. I’m giving that webinar again on October 28, and will offer an information sheet for those who need to know how to address their manager’s gossip.
The approach to a manger who lies and a manager who gossips is very similar. I will add that if your manager’s deceptions are egregious enough to qualify as lying, you might want to find a new job.
You can read my new article When the Manager Lies here. It will help you get your manager to level with you.
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Related posts which may interest you
- Gossip and Manipulation Webinar Slides and Archives are Available
- How to stop gossip at work. (Including your boss.) Free webinar.
- PowerPhrase: Passing rumors is gossip
- Free webinar on how to address gossip and manipulation. Meryl Runion, sponsored by McGraw Hill
- 6 steps for turning problems (like gossip) into opportunities
August 5, 20102 Admin communication success stories, presentation PDF posted
Did I tell you I love Admins? I think they may be my favorite groups of all. At the IAAP conference in Boston, I met speakers who only speak to Admins. I understand why. I find them to be a sharp and savvy yet gracious and supportive audience.
I share a few of the Admin success stories here. Next week I’ll tell you the amazing tale from an Admin whose management changed from dynamic to rankist, and what a loss it was for the company. The Admin made it work for her, though.
Here are a couple of success stories some admins shared with me (in exchange for an adorable Pippin Giraffe.)
Happy to relay your thoughts
People often overlook the fact that Admins both speak on behalf of the managers they represent and are in close communication with them. This is a tale of a gracious but sobering reminder of that.
“My boss asked me to check with another Admin on a task he requested her to do. This individual responded very abruptly and was rude and finished by saying that our boss was already aware. I told her that he was requesting me to make the inquiry and would be happy to pass along her thoughts and comments. The look on her face was priceless.”
Ask and ye shall receive – but include benefits
A few Admins mentioned that they had to ask clearly and effectively to be able to attend the IAAP conference. Mentioning benefits was a big plus.
“My company wasn’t so willing to pay or let me come due to budget and time. I had to justify why it would be beneficial to attend. Estimate costs (because I lived in Boston that would save on airfare and hotel costs and meals.) They responded with yes I could attend, they would pay, but I had to give a presentation to the other admins of the highlight of the conference.”
I received some email from Admins requesting the PowerPoint that I used in my presentation. It’s uploaded here. I am considering offering a three week webinar series to make the information available. Let me know if you’re interested.
July 29, 2010Admins – make your work visible. PowerPhrase, “It was an involved process that required me to….”
Recently Nathan, who does web and support work for me, and I spent a day working side by side on various projects. We usually work very independently of each other, but spending a day together was invaluable. It aligned our thinking.
It also helped me appreciate how challenging some seemingly simple activities are. It’s so easy to pass on projects without an understanding of what implementation involves. That’s why I appreciated our time together, and also when Nathan gave me a report on a completed project that included a description of,
- Here’s what it took to accomplish that.
If he hadn’t told me, I wouldn’t have known.
Some admins make their work look too easy. You don’t want to come across as complaining, but do make what you’ve done visible 1) so you can get the respect you deserve for it, and 2) so your workload can be realistically balanced.
July 27, 2010Human support and interaction: productivity balms
I think I might as well make it official. Assistants are my favorite audience of all. I love nurses, managers are great, non-profits and government groups have a lot going for them and my army attendees light my fire and touch my heart. But assistants are all about support, and it’s a pleasure and an honor to have them shine that support on me.
I’m an introvert. I’ve told you that. An introvert who has given over a thousand presentations. I still get nervous. I was nervous before I presented for IAAP conference last week. I was nervous until we had a speaker’s luncheon and then I went to the bookstore to schmooze. By the time I presented, I was already in love with my audience and there was no room for nervousness. The presentation was a delightful sweet sharing.
Relating isn’t a waste of time. It’s a productivity balm. I didn’t just have more fun because I had been given the opportunity (thanks Susan) and took the time to relate. I gave a better presentation for it. Human interaction and support is a productivity balm.
Think you don’t have time for it? I differ.
June 3, 2010Just posted my administrative assistant seminar description
I hit send to deliver my Dynamic Leader Development book yesterday. Now I’m free to catch up on the gazillion things that I have been postponing. The manuscript really deepened my perspective on many things. I’d say it elevated and honed what I’ve been doing over the years. Check out the description.
PowerPhrases to leverage the 3 true sources of admin communication power
Stay tuned for the teleseminar version.
May 24, 2010Tips to manage the manager. Interview with @danmulhern Everyday Leaders
When Dan Mulhern invited me on his Every Day Leader show, neither one of us know it would take the direction it did. He kept asking me for phrases to speak to a manager who hasn’t gotten you the information you need to move forward. I kept talking about the conversations to manage our managers before the situation gets to that point. It’s called being proactive.
You can read Dan’s post about it here and listen to the podcast here. I describe the conversations we all need to have to establish great working relationships with our managers in the CD that comes at the back of my SpeakStrong book. It really is about being an everyday leader – taking charge BEFORE there are problems – whether we have the word leader in our title or not.
February 24, 2010Success story: Admin gracertively got manager to cut workload
This phrase come from a post on Crucial Conversations. The author’s assistant couldn’t keep up with her expanding responsibilities. She addressed the issue by listing what she does for him that makes the biggest contribution. He agreed with the list. Then she observed,
- If I continue to do X, Y, and Z—I won’t be able to improve my response time and quality in these areas. At least that’s how it appears to me. If you can see something I’m missing, please tell me. I don’t want to shirk my work.
Her manager agreed that the either needed to drop the other tasks or find another way to get them done. She looked even more valuable to him after that conversation than she had before.
October 22, 2009School district assistant and official wisdom
I recently spoke to the administrative assistants for a local school district. Often at lunch I will share some added tidbits of the knowledge and skills I have obtained in my years of training and writing. But this time I listened. I was happy to hear the wisdom these caring professionals displayed.
Once upon a time, when kids got into trouble, the parents would generally come down on the side of school officials. Not any more. Now, many parents jump in to defend their kids without considering the evidence. I had heard this before, but what I hadn’t heard was how school officials manage to stay open to the real needs of the kids even when parents are criticizing them unfairly.
One remark struck me most deeply. An official told his assistant,
- There’s a kid behind every complaint, so put those calls through to me.
This and several other remarks inspired me. When someone comes down unfairly against you, it’s so easy to come back unfairly against them. These people manage to keep the needs and interests of the children they serve in priority. I salute them.
April 7, 2009Success Story ~ negotiating workloads
Light bulbs went on for me when I read in your newsletter about how bosses will pile work on as long as employees keep doing everything they ask without complaint or feedback.
I was working until 9:00 each night and burning myself out. So I implemented some of the strategies in your assistant training to make my work visible and to negotiate workload.
Guess what – I’m going home on time each evening. I’m also making a lot less in overtime…but I’m happy to have my life back.
Learn to manage your boss…
A new SpeakStrong DVD video, MP3 audio, and CD audio. Available now in our SpeakStrong Store.
April 1, 2009Success Story ~ The Detective Mom gives good advice and so does the PowerPhrase assistant
I passed your PowerPhrase from The Detective Mom on to several friends. They called me to tell me how well it worked for them to let their children know that they would consider requests made in private but refuse requests made in front of others. It’s useful to see how we can stand up to manipulation – which our kids do so well.
Also, in your keynote for assistants, you talk about getting managers together and setting policies and boundaries for workload management. I did that. I told my managers how I would prioritize their work. That clarity helped us all.
Thanks for the support.
