February 24, 2010Success story: Admin gracertively got manager to cut workload
This phrase come from a post on Crucial Conversations. The author’s assistant couldn’t keep up with her expanding responsibilities. She addressed the issue by listing what she does for him that makes the biggest contribution. He agreed with the list. Then she observed,
- If I continue to do X, Y, and Z—I won’t be able to improve my response time and quality in these areas. At least that’s how it appears to me. If you can see something I’m missing, please tell me. I don’t want to shirk my work.
Her manager agreed that the either needed to drop the other tasks or find another way to get them done. She looked even more valuable to him after that conversation than she had before.
October 22, 2009School district assistant and official wisdom
I recently spoke to the administrative assistants for a local school district. Often at lunch I will share some added tidbits of the knowledge and skills I have obtained in my years of training and writing. But this time I listened. I was happy to hear the wisdom these caring professionals displayed.
Once upon a time, when kids got into trouble, the parents would generally come down on the side of school officials. Not any more. Now, many parents jump in to defend their kids without considering the evidence. I had heard this before, but what I hadn’t heard was how school officials manage to stay open to the real needs of the kids even when parents are criticizing them unfairly.
One remark struck me most deeply. An official told his assistant,
- There’s a kid behind every complaint, so put those calls through to me.
This and several other remarks inspired me. When someone comes down unfairly against you, it’s so easy to come back unfairly against them. These people manage to keep the needs and interests of the children they serve in priority. I salute them.
April 7, 2009Success Story ~ negotiating workloads
Light bulbs went on for me when I read in your newsletter about how bosses will pile work on as long as employees keep doing everything they ask without complaint or feedback.
I was working until 9:00 each night and burning myself out. So I implemented some of the strategies in your assistant training to make my work visible and to negotiate workload.
Guess what – I’m going home on time each evening. I’m also making a lot less in overtime…but I’m happy to have my life back.
Learn to manage your boss…
A new SpeakStrong DVD video, MP3 audio, and CD audio. Available now in our SpeakStrong Store.
April 1, 2009Success Story ~ The Detective Mom gives good advice and so does the PowerPhrase assistant
I passed your PowerPhrase from The Detective Mom on to several friends. They called me to tell me how well it worked for them to let their children know that they would consider requests made in private but refuse requests made in front of others. It’s useful to see how we can stand up to manipulation – which our kids do so well.
Also, in your keynote for assistants, you talk about getting managers together and setting policies and boundaries for workload management. I did that. I told my managers how I would prioritize their work. That clarity helped us all.
Thanks for the support.
March 24, 2009PowerPhrase of the Week ~ The man I love (manager I support, etc.) keeps interrupting me
Ron chatted away as Becky packed a box for Ron to take to the post office. At one point, Ron asked Becky to work a little faster since he wanted to leave soon. Becky replied,
- I understand and I’m working as fast as I can. The man I love keeps interrupting me.
Sounds better than, I’ll get it done faster if you’ll shut up, doesn’t it?
Adjust ito to use at work – depending on your relationship with the person.
- The manager I support keeps interrupting me.
- Someone I respect is distracting me from the job.
- My friend keeps saying things I want to hear.
Of course you might want to simply say,
- While I want to hear what you have to say, I need to focus if I’m going to get this done.
March 17, 2009This Week in the World ~ Challenges of getting conscious
This has been a week of becoming conscious for many of my friends, clients, and for me. One person is becoming aware of how she shuts down around money management considerations. Another is becoming aware of how he turns everything into work with rules and expectations that keep him tied up in knots. Another is becoming aware of how she questions and doubts herself when people get angry with her – and of how some people use that trait to manipulate her. I relate to all three challenges.
Getting conscious is much like turning up the lights in a messy house. Turning up the lights doesn’t clean the house – it just lets you see the mess so you can start the process. If you stumble over things you didn’t see and you can’t find what you want, you’ll welcome the lights. If the mess isn’t creating enough problems, you might prefer to turn the lights back off and ignore the disorder.
For some, our messes – or unconsciousness areas – create enough problems that we have to deal with them. For others, the lights are going on whether they want them to or not. Either way, people are finding they can’t stay unconscious anymore. They, and we, are being forced to face ourselves.
That’s why I added the skill based approach of SpeakStrong to the paint-by-numbers approach of PowerPhrases. The quick fixes aren’t working quite as well these days. It’s time to turn up the lights.
Once you see the messes, how do you clean them up? You get the skills. Study money management. Replace the restrictive rules and expectations with less restrictive realistic guidelines. (SpeakStrong provides communication guidelines, not rules.) Get my Say What You Mean eCourse for a weekly lesson in developing communication skills, and get SpeakStrong for the “Best EQ book on the market.”
Things can look like they get worse before they get better. That’s because the lights go on. Ultimately, being conscious is a much better way to go through life than not.
New articles and new DVD for Assistants
I have a new article about priorities and getting conscious. It’s called,
Keep your eye on The Ball:
Puppy lessons about priorities, distractions and focus
I also have a new article for assistants.
Savvy Assistants SpeakStrong
Key Conversations for Administrative Assistants
My recent presentation to assistants is available in DVD and MP3 formats.
Speak STRONG, Smart, & Sweet
The 3 Sources of Power for Assistants to Master Tough Conversations
March 10, 2009Poison Phrase ~ Blame your assistant
Anna forgot what the due date was for a client project. She lost her client notes, so her friend suggested:
- Call the client and blame your assistant. Tell her your assistant misplaced your notes.
The assistants at the IAAP meeting I spoke at last night knew right away why that is a Poison Phrase. Too often, assistants are considered fair game for blame. It’s as if their professionalism doesn’t matter.
Besides being unfair to the assistant, that claim is simply a lie. Anna admitted to her error and the client had no problem with it.
February 17, 2009Meeting scheduling
Hi Meryl
My boss continually asks me to set up meetings with him and for him.
His schedule is way more booked than mine, so when I send him a meeting request, it’s usually declined and I have to keep trying dates until we find one that works. How can I put the burden of scheduling the meeting back on her? I don’t know how to ask.
Meryl Responds
Say,
- I’d be happy to schedule meetings if it was efficient, but since you know your schedule so much better than I do and my schedule is more open, it seems to take more time for both of us for me to do it. I’d prefer you set up your own meetings or at least suggest a few times for me so I don’t have to keep contacting you to find out what whether a time works for you or not. Does that sound reasonable?
Does this sound like it could work? Tell me how it goes.
February 3, 2009PowerPhrase ~ You’ve done everything he’s asked you to do and you’ve done it well. Why wouldn’t he keep piling work on you?
Nora is a skilled professional breaking into a new industry. She accepted an apprenticeship with Ned to get exposure in the field, learn the ropes and get connected. She agreed to less than a living wage to manage Ned’s office while she studied with him.
The situation did not turn out as Nora imagined. While she did learn some things from Ned, the vast majority of her time was spent doing grunt work that did not help her professionally. She was burning out on the work without getting the promised rewards. She spoke to Ned about it, but he kept piling projects on her that did not serve her goals.
Nora was frustrated and angry, but a friend pointed out a very simple reality.
- You’ve done everything he’s asked you to do and you’ve done it well. Why wouldn’t he keep piling work on you?
The lights went on for Nora – she was sending mixed messages. The message Ned received was – “I can get this work done at bargain basement prices. Sure, I might have to listen to Nora complain here and there, but so what?”
Nora’s friend told her just what she needed to hear to understand her own role in the situation – and to choose a different role. Nora asked Ned specifically for what she wanted from him (said what she meant) and she spoke in a way where he knew he had to work with her (she meant what she said.) She was grateful to her friend for speaking to her so clearly.
September 30, 2008Success Story ~ Discretionary Time
I used your suggestion involving the phrase “I have XX amount of discretionary hours this week…” with much success! I enjoy your newsletters and blog, thank you for continuing to write and speak with passion, clarity and grace.
