August 3, 2010Triangulation: A usually dysfunctional but occasionally adorable communication dynamic
We had a young visitor this week. I haven’t been around a two-year-old for years. It was fascinating.
When her mommy wouldn’t let her have something she wanted, guess what the first words out of her trembling mouth were…
- Daddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Daddy wasn’t there, and Mommy told us that’s what she does when Mommy doesn’t give her what she wants.
Guess what she says when Daddy doesn’t give her what she wants!
If this youngster is lucky, Mommy and Daddy collaborate with each other rather than let her play them against each other. If she’s not lucky, she learns a dynamic that we often see in our workplaces.
Triangulation. Playing one person off against another. I hear about it a lot.
Well, truthfully I feel the impulse to triangulate myself. Someone disagrees with something I feel strongly about, and I want to call someone else to get someone to agree with me. It’s harmless if I know what I’m doing and I don’t alienate anyone against anyone else. It’s destructive if I do it to create an unholy alliance that feeds our self-righteousness and diminishes someone else – and divides a unit.
It’s adorable in a charming two-year old. It’s less adorable in an adult. With any luck, our inner Mommies and Daddies are on to us, and guide us to act like adults, even when our inner two-year old wants what it wants and is willing to divide to conquer. It takes two to triangulate. Strange math, I know.
June 18, 2010Wisdom beyond their years. “I’ve had too many political debates and “I’m moving on.”
I was relaxing on my deck when I heard a young voice say,
- You know who’s a liar? Obama.
That was followed by a younger voice saying,
- I don’t want to get involved in a political debate. I’ve had too many political debates and I’m moving on.
Pretty wise for an eight-year-old!
Of course it would be even nicer had she been able to turn it into a reasonable political discussion based on facts. I should send her a copy of my Unite and Concur ebook. These days so many of us are convinced that political discussions have to be battles of the wills rather than collaborative explorations. It’s a pity that a phrase dismissing an entire topic for conversation would be regarded as a PowerPhrase.
A pity, but also a reality. And I remain impressed with this young lady’s wisdom beyond her years.
April 19, 2010Detective Mom is the best blog out there
I can’t figure out how to tie this in to a Speak Strong topic, so I’ll just say it. The Detective Mom is my favorite blog of all. It makes me laugh out loud at.
Her latest post is about what her youngest son did when their new puppy relieved himself in the garden. We all need to be careful about who we emulate!
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Related posts which may interest you
- PowerPhrase: Exaggeration as a humor tool
- Semantics, PowerPhrase: Boy who is “too old for hugs” is willing to “tackle gently.”
- Kid Poison Phrase: I’ll run get help in case you get hurt
- Dumping and Preaching are not Speaking Strong
- PowerPhrases for phone calls and texting popular with the 3 yr old crowd
October 12, 2009Kid corner: the wise big brother deludes the ignorant youngster
Here’s another story from The Detective Mom. It’s hilarious and brilliant, but does raise some ethical questions.
Yesterday afternoon we got home from brunch and congregated in front of the TV to watch the Bengal’s game.
Well, everyone except for the youngest. The game held no interest for him, and he wanted to play Wii. He kept going over to the TV and trying to push the button that would switch the system off of cable and onto the Wii. My husband and I kept telling him no, pulling him back, and generally wishing he would find something else in the room to entertain him. But he would not be distracted.
Then my oldest went up to the TV. He has football for the Wii, which gave him an idea. He fiddled around with the game system, controllers, discs, and other buttons, and then handed his baby brother the controller.
“Here, play this game. It’s a really realistic version of football!”
Not that my youngest had any concept of what a “realistic version” is. But he fell for it, hook, line and sinker! For a few minutes he thought he was controlling the action on the screen, and his resistance to us watching the game stopped!
He never did figure out what the rest of us were hooting with laughter about!
The little tyke was happy, but it does raise the question about whether it’s acceptable to trick kids or not.What do you think?
I know several people who were more than a little angry when the truth about Santa was revealed. There is an ancient scripture that says “The wise should not delude the ignorant.” And yet in this case, the delusion is a joy for the little guy – it appears that ignorance is bliss for everyone here.
October 12, 2009Kid corner: hilarious cell phone word game
The Detective Mom tells of what can happen when you ask a cell phone to call some pretty odd names. Here’s part of her post.
One of the kids sneezed when my husband was trying to use voice activated dialing, and the automated phone lady said, “Did you say Call Kris?” My kids were very much amused that a sneeze was mistaken for my name. Which led to a game that entertains them to this day.
Kid: Call an idiot.
Automated voice: Did you say Call Joe Schmidt?
Kid: Call Booger Brain.
Automated voice: Did you say Call Doug Main?
Kid: Call Mommy’s butt.
Automated voice: Did you say Call Pizza Hut?
Words can sure be entertaining!
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Related posts which may interest you
- PowerPhrase: call me at (x) instead of the number I am calling from
- Reader question: an abrasive sounding soccer coach
- Triangulation: A usually dysfunctional but occasionally adorable communication dynamic
- SpeakStrong: She doesn’t know she gets to have a voice
- PowerPhrase of the Week ~ I picked up the phone in case the call was urgent
October 8, 2009SpeakStrong Kids: Observing birthdays
Kids DO say the darndest thing. The Detective Mom writes about how her daughter listed her father’s birthday in her calendar this way:
Daddy’s birthday observed.
I would call it a Poison Phrase for being so impersonal, but coming from a kid, it’s downright adorable!
September 20, 2009PowerPhrases for kids when a friend’s parent dies
Wow. The Detective Mom is wondering how to coach her kids in empathizing with their friends whose Dad just died.
Her post came just as I’ve been finalizing a song about losing my late hubby called “The Hardest Part.” “The hardest part is to act like nothing’s wrong.”
Kids can be a bit too straightforward in these matters… or are they? “I’m sorry for your loss” sound so inauthentic to me. “I wish your dad didn’t die” sounds real.
I suggested she have them discuss what they wanted to hear when they lost something they loved or someone. But I also said I’d ask you for your advice. Thoughts?
July 15, 2009Detective Mom PowerPhrase updated: I’m okay with that
This PowerPhrase post contains a Poison Phrase that irks me, but I’ll start with the part I like. Here’s the dialogue posted by The Detective Mom.
~~~~~~
Kid #1: “You play baseball like a girl!”
(At this point a few random insults were exchanged.)
Kid #2: “You play baseball like…”
Kid #1: “I already said girl! You can’t use that one again!”
Kid #2: (pause) “You play baseball like… him!” (Points at my three-year old)
Kid #1: (pauses to reflect on the insult and then shrugs) “I’m okay with that.”
~~~~~~
Most of us are so programmed to react to intended insults that we don’t pause to consider whether what we’re being accused of is such a bad thing. It take remarkable presence to decide whether we mind the “accusation” or not.
Now, while I very much am aware that males and females have different general aptitudes, I still take issue at the idea that doing something “like a girl” is a horrible insult. Excuse me, would girls insult each other by saying “you communicate your emotions like a boy”? Can you think of any reversal of this situation? And even if you could, I still would protest. What do you think?
UPDATE: Since I first posted this, the Detecitive Mom updated her post to point out that the “play like a girl” comment was good natured – directed at her and ironically referring to the fact that the Detective Mom actually is pretty good in sports. This shows how we can perceive through wounds. What could be a sarcastic put-down and becomes irony and actually a sign of respect once the healing is so complete you can throw out the old barbs with confidence that your intent will be assumed.
Not that those kids thought it out that completely of course. They were just being their good-natured teasing selves. And I was just being my analytic SpeakStrong advocate self until I better understood the context of this expression of a comment that has wounded many in the past. They have compassion and I have a sense of humor and I’ll quit now while there’s a chance that I’m still ahead…
July 15, 2009The Boy Who Cried Owwww
I have a family member who tends to exaggerate. One time she gave me a serious heads up that I would need to take action on…if it was as she presented it. I had to decide whether to believe her or whether this was another case of dramatics. I believed her and took action and was grateful I had. Because this person has misrepresented reality over the years, I almost didn’t believe her when she spoke the truth. I write more about what happened here.
The Detective Mom tells a more humorous tale of the dangers of false alarms in her latest post The Boy Who Creid Owww
