October 20, 2010Ageism on both sides of the spectrum

I’m cleaning out my inbox, and I found an email from a young political candidate, Matt Zeller, explaining why his youth is a reason to vote for him. I can’t find an online copy of his letter, but his site is here. He writes about how some discount him for being so young,

The next email I read was one of my favorite authors, Kerry Patterson. He wrote about a couple he knows at church that have been shuffled into greeters despite being interesting and experienced people. You can read that insightful and endearing tale here.

Both speak of ageism, which is a form of rankism.

Age brings it’s gifts and so does youth. It’s a pity when any of us get ignored when we have much to offer.

I will say, however, that some people I know don’t mind. My 90 year old dad said one thing he likes about getting old is that people expect so little of you. After a lifetime of achievement, he’s happy to let the world turn without him.

But if you want to be in the game and have what it takes, it’s disappointing to be overlooked due to too many or two few years on the planet. Fortunately for all of us, we are learning to overlook the externals and consider the gifts of people of all ages, races, (dis)abilities and other differences.

September 27, 2010When the going gets tough, talking like a victim doesn’t help.

Systems break down, times change, and what worked before stops working. It’s a dynamic world out there. Many are ready to break under the pressure of organisations that once seemed to care and no longer do. Some are crashing and burning. Others, however, are flourishing even now.

When the going gets tough, talking like a victim doesn’t help.

“Ain’t-it-awfulling” doesn’t change anything.

And while I’ll be the first to say it’s important to honor what you feel about a change, mistreatment or dismissiveness, ultimately it’s up to us to move from victim language to empowered communication. The phrase “deal with it” is a Poison Phrase without compassion. It’s a PowerPhrase when coupled with compassion.

I talk to people who once had productive, collaborative and caring work environments, and now are overloaded or cast aside because of buy-outs or other changes that removed all sense of loyalty or humanity from their operation. I’ve been there myself. And

• What are you going to do about it

…is a Poison Phrase if spoken too soon, and a PowerPhrase in proper timing.

Last month I was moved by a post in Salon.com called: The Hot Young Teacher they Hired Instead. Here’s the subtext. I have decades of experience in the classroom, but when I went up against Alex for a job, I knew how it would end.

It was a heartfelt, beautifully written article that evoked lots of empathy in me. But in my reading, I felt something was missing. The author said upfront that she knew she would not get the job. Yet her actions did not reflect someone who was pretty sure she’d be looking for work the next school year.

For starter, anyone who writes as well as this author does surely could create some kind of back-up plan for herself.

Yes, grieve losses. Figure out who done wrong and how. But don’t wallow. Because when the going gets tough, talking like a victim doesn’t help.

My forthcoming Dynamic Leadership book has a chapter on the language of leadership. I think it’s the best chapter in the book, and I love every chapter. It reminds me to keep moving forward as well. Every day is a new dynamic for each of us. What are we going to do about it?

September 22, 2010Powered by integrity and authenticity: Some execs prefer the second tier

A friend is interviewing women leaders in an international organization in preparation for a leadership conference. One of her questions asks whether these women want to move into the top leadership level. My friend finds most of the women she interviews don’t, because leadership at the top is fiercely competitive and manipulative. They’d rather lead a level down where they can be more collaborative and authentic.

Many people would insist that this is all the more reason why these women should get into the higher leadership levels – to transform the culture. And while that might be true, it’s really useful for us to know ourselves and where we can best flourish and be effective. It isn’t always at the top.

Research is showing that as there are more women than men in the workplace and as women step into more leadership positions, collaborative leadership styles become more prevalent. The change is happening. And if you’re into power – well – you can influence from anywhere if you’re powered by integrity and authenticity. It takes wisdom to bypass the kind of power most people think you should want in exchange for a kind of influence that suits your nature. And it takes courage to take the next step to create cultural change if it’s needed and you’re ready.

My friend and colleague’s study is helping to pave the way by getting the concerns out into the open. The interviews also reveal that top leadership doesn’t know there’s a problem. They won’t be able to pretend any more after the conference.

September 1, 2010Want influence? Individualize, Individualize, Individualize.

I’ve spoken with a number of consultants lately. Some have been very specific. Others clearly hadn’t taken any time to find out who I was. Too bad. We might have done business together. It’s a bit like a doctor diagnosing without performing an exam. They wouldn’t do that… oh, wait…

One consultant stands out in particular. I had paid for a short consultation to see if I wanted to work with her on a larger basis. She dished out generic advice that  made it clear she hadn’t even glanced at my homepage. In the course of the conversation, she commented that consulting work was down these day. She noted, “I don’t know why…” I could have given her a few reasons and would have if I thought she would begin to listen.

In my Perfect Phrases for Managers and Supervisors and my upcoming Perfect Phrases for Developing Dynamic Leaders, I talk about how important it is to treat each employee and emerging leader as an individual.

Unless you don’t have any interest in having influence. In that case, cookie cutter will do just fine, thanks.

August 16, 2010Vulnerability + misfit = Entrepreneur. Vulnerability + misfit + Speaking Strong = successful entrepreneur.

The Harvard Business Review has a delightful article for any of us who have been shot down for caring and imagining. It’s called Misfit Entrepreneurs and it will give heart to those of us who have tried to do things differently from how others do them and been shot down for it.

There are plenty of outrageously successful people who survived being shot down by pretty much everyone they shared their ideas with.

Recently I ended an association with a non-entrepreneurial company. They ignored or dismissed my entrepreneurial ideas. They used pressure and shame for the slightest indication of any kind of non-compliance. They were only interested in a “win-win” agreement that let them cut my profits by 70%. I developed a new association with a company that is so entrepreneurial they have entrepreneur in their byline. It feels like coming home.

My hiking buddy has a similar experience. She ended an association with a training company that suffocated her, and recently met with the head of another training company with a much different approach.  All the ideas that would have “gotten my buddy in trouble” and “branded her as a bad girl” in a previous organization were met with excitement by her new associate. Interesting – the company my buddy left is downsizing big time. The more entrepreneurial one is growing, even in this economy.

Entrepreneurs can be a bit too much for some, and very inspiring for others. Some entrepreneurs respond to the shaming environment by numbing out. They may “fit in” better for a while, but ultimately everyone loses.

Check out the HBR article. It will inspire you to stop trying to fit in. Then, I’ll inspire you to be gracefully vocal about the ways you think beyond the status quo.

August 3, 2010You can’t talk your way out of a problem you acted your way into – but you can act your way to a new level

My husband enjoys reading Dear Amy – although his skip her replies. Today she published a letter from a man who wants to regain his wife’s trust after two affairs, one lasting ten years with his wife’s best friend. I’m reminded of Stephen Covey’s comment,

• You can’t talk your way out of a problem you acted your way into.

I will add, however, that if you’re really willing to do what it takes, you might be able to talk and act your way to a new beginning at a higher level. It’s called addressing the issue at the source, and giving a reason – a genuine reason – to believe this time will be different.

Easy to say. Difficult to do. How bad do you want it?

Affairs, like heart attacks, happen for reasons. If you have a heart attack and change your diet and exercise completely, I just might believe you  won’t have another one. If you have a heart attack and carry on as before, proclaiming earnestly that you will never have another, I’ll doubt your words.

And if someone has an affair and takes the experience as a catalyst to really address personal and relational issues, and start giving 100% to the marriage, making the health of the union priority, not only can trust be restored, but the affair, as painful as it was, could turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to the marriage. (Please note, I am not justifying the betrayal.)

There’s another element that is often overlooked. The duped partner had to have some denial going on not to know her hubby and best friend were lying to her for ten years. If both partners decide it’s time to get totally committed and authentic, the odds are even greater.

But the real purpose of this post is to say that situations that could be poison can often be turned into catalysts to operate dynamic new levels. It all depends on how bad you want it. Bad enough to get real and really show up? I predict success if you do.

August 3, 2010Wisdom from Inception quote: Dreams / perspectives feel real. Experience them and then wake up

In the movie Inception, Cobb says:

“Dreams feel real while we’re in them. It’s only when we wake up that we realize something was actually strange.”

Conversations can be the same way. We can be completely convinced while we listen. It all makes sense. It’s only once we “wake up” and view the points from an outside perspective that we recognize that something was strange. Or perhaps just missing.

The best movies have us thinking about what was missing long after we see them. We’re not negating them as much as we are expanding on them. The dream levels in Inception were way more rule-based and linear than my dreams. That got me thinking about my dreams.

The best conversations are the same way. They get us thinking and expanding on what they say. I’m listening to an audio that is stunning me with it’s brilliance. My reflections lead me to areas where I think beyond the points in the audio.

Let yourself be immersed in a perspective and take it in in its wholeness. Just remember to wake up when it’s over. Not to negate that world – just to not be limited to it.

July 30, 2010Response to those who are afraid for their employees to blog – Jason Falls

I recently heard a trainer at a conference suggest that employers should prohibit employees from using social media. While I strongly recommend having a clear social media policy, (and even offer phrases to implement it in the new edition of my manager phrase book,) I agree with Jasen Falls who says,

• If you are afraid of what your employees will say about you online, then your problem is not your employees, it’s you. Hire smarter.

Too often we try to control the communication instead of listening and figuring out how to improve our relationships.

July 30, 2010New Biz and Communication Dynamics highlighted in USA Today Mad Men review

It’s an entrepreneurial world out there. Whether you work for someone else or have your own business, it pays to think like an entrepreneur. A USA Today Mad Men review highlights what it means to think and act like an entrepreneur. The keys are,

• Be gutsy
• Act fast
• Stay flexible

I sum it up with the word, DYNAMIZE.

I have a section about conversations an Entrepreneurial Employee needs to have in the audio that comes with my SpeakStrong book.

July 14, 2010Who do you consult before you speak? Your lawyer, mediator, minister, colleagues, conscience…?

Who is on your communication team? I recently had a contentious communication situation. I felt pretty certain about how I wanted to respond, but just to make sure, I spoke with my lawyer to find out what I was obligated to do, my minister to find out what was right to do, a mediator to find out what it was possible to do, a colleague to find out what was standard to do, and my own conscience to know what I could live with.

I handled it pretty much the way I intended at the outset, but welcomed the perspectives. I particularly liked the input from the friend who said, “I don’t just say no to her demands, I say #&@% no. ” Let’s just say her input was emotionally gratifying. I like being right as much as anyone else.

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