September 2, 2008This Week in the World ~ Say What You Mean Teleseminar Series

Say what you mean, mean what you say, don’t be mean when you say it. It’s a simple formula that’s getting simpler thanks to my three-part teleseminar series.

And it’s a bonus to my Say What You Mean eCourse subscribers.

Register for the 52 week eCourse, and attend the teleseminar series at no cost.

It starts September 10th.

Say what you mean

Be authentic. The source of your words is in your own mind and heart. I help people find their words by listening for their deepest meaning - what they think, feel and want. You can find your own words when you learn to listen for your deepest meaning.

Mean what you say

Speak with conviction and protect the integrity of your words. If you don’t mean it, don’t say it. If you do say it, be convincing.

Don’t be mean when you say it

You can be clear and direct and still be kind. Respect your listener with your choice of words.

Truth about love teleseminar coming up

In the month to come I will announce my Truth About Love teleseminar series. Stay tuned.

Love removes the labor of labor

Read the article is Love removes the labor of labor on my SpeakStrong in Love Blog

September 1, 2008Ask Meryl ~ Impossible assignments

Meryl,

I despair of ever getting it from the theoretical to the practical It all seems so logical and easy to read about, but in the actual situation, the emotions are still driving.

 

I had a very bad week at work. On Tuesday my manager told me that I had to have a report written by Friday. I said that I didn’t think I could do it as it was such a big report (expecting ~ 30 pages). She said that she wanted it by Friday & that was it. So of course today is Friday & I wasn’t finished (it is difficult to stop the rest of the world - phone calls, rep visits, meetings, etc to concentrate solely on report writing). She was quite severe with me for not having it done & I regret I got upset & defensive & heated and started listing reasons why it was not complete & that it was simply too big a job to do in 3 days etc, and ended up in an argument. It was a very unpleasant encounter, and now all I want to do is find another job and get away.

 

I realize I have a responsibility for the failure - maybe I didn’t manage my time very well; maybe I could have turned away phone calls & reps; maybe I was unconsciously using them as excuses to put off a daunting task. I definitely find it very difficult to handle being criticized; I know that’s my problem. I really think I should look for another job because this is just not the right sort of job for me but it’s hard to know what job would be right for me.

 

So to the point, I was in the wrong, and now I have to apologies & try to cope with being in an unpleasant situation until I can find another job. How am I going to face her? I looked for some relevant material on the website but mostly found from the manager’s perspective with a difficult employee; I guess this is the situation with me the difficult employee but I was hoping for some help for my side

Meryl Responds: 

I know the frustration of not living up to your own expectations. That reminds me of the saying that what matters is not how often you fall but how quickly you pick yourself back up when you do.

 

When the boss assigns an unreasonable deadline, let her know what will suffer for you to meet the deadline. For example, you can say,

·        Between now and Friday I expect to have X hours of discretionary time. This report will require Y hours to complete properly. If I miss the rep meetings and let the phone go to voicemail I can squeeze another Z hours out to complete it. It won’t be the quality I’d like it to be, but it will be the best I can do. Do you want me to do that?  

 

Another way to question an unreasonable deadline is to say,

·        I can do a great job for you by Monday; or a rough job by Friday. What do you prefer?

 

Whenever you don’t communicate well, think of it as another chance to learn. Think of what you could have / would have said – not to chastise yourself; but to learn.

 

 

 

September 1, 2008Success Story ~ When you calm down, if you want me back, call me.

I wasn’t sure this was a success story because we ended up parting ways, but after I spoke with you, I felt good about setting boundaries.

I’m a web master, and I have several clients. I told one of my clients that I would not be working on her site for a couple of days due to medical reasons, she went into a rant. She was using every swear word I’ve ever heard, and I told her when she calmed down, if she wanted her to come back she could call me. I left.

When I heard back, she terminated our relationship. She sited the fact that I left that day. I responded politely and suggested I wished it had ended on a better note. But the reality is, I’m relieved that I won’t be working with her anymore, and I’m pleased that I stood up when I felt mistreated.

September 1, 2008Ask Meryl ~ Cheap shots

Meryl,

I’d love to hear your thoughts or a phrase I can use when family members (cousins, aunts, uncles) say things to you at family events to either embarrass or hurt your feelings? 

 

For example my family (my parents, three siblings) were all invited to a cousin’s wedding in another part of the country.  The bride was my Dad’s niece (his brother’s daughter). Each member of my family declined as we had conflicting events or couldn’t afford the cost of flights, accommodation and gifts. 

 

Since declining my parents in particular have had other family members make constant remarks about them being cheap or not attending the wedding.

Whenever there is a reference to a wedding or key family event someone makes a comment about it. 

 

We have another wedding coming up in a month (yes it’s a big family) and is another of my Dad’s nieces - his brother’s daughter.

 

It really makes my parents upset and sometimes people make comments to me about why my brothers or sisters don’t attend family events.

My parents and I are the ones who normally attend family events but my siblings decline invitations.

 

I’m wondering if you can provide any phrases that I or my parents can use to really… say what I mean, mean what I say and not be mean when I say it. 

 

My initial thoughts was to try… ”That comment really hurt my feelings, why do you feel the need to make these comments?” What do you think? Will this work?

 

Meryl Responds, 

Yes: Let them know how it affects you. I’d be more specific. I would acknowledge their disappointment and indicate that you actually share the disappointment without criticizing those who decline. Something like,

• ·        I know! We’re all disappointed too. We would all love it if everyone could attend all the family events.

Address any possibility of their having hurt feelings.

• ·        I hope you don’t think they stay home because they don’t want to attend. It’s tough for them to have to pass on the invitations.

Address the cheap comments.

• ·        Please don’t accuse them of being cheap because they can’t afford to come. It’s upsetting, and unfair. Travel is expensive.

 Let them know how it affects your parents.

• ·        My parents are uncomfortable with having to defend their kids for not attending. If you have an issue with those who don’t come, can you take it up with them instead of my parents and me?

 Offer to lend an ear for genuine concerns but not for pot shots.

• ·        It seems like it’s an issue for you when my siblings don’t attend. If there’s anything we need to discuss that can help, I’m all ears, but I’m not comfortable with the pot shots directed toward them.

 What do you think? Let me know,

 

 

September 1, 2008Success story ~ Making meetings on time

I finally said something about a habit/trait of a co-worker that has bothered our entire team.  We have a supervisor that rarely shows up for meetings on time and quite often doesn’t even bother to show up.  I had set up a meeting with this person.  When I showed up for the meeting, he was not there.  20 minutes later he was still not there.  I went upstairs, called him and left a message that when he returned to call me and I would come down for the meeting.  No call.  A couple of hours later I saw him in our area.  He did not see me.  He did not stop by to say “sorry” or “let’s reschedule.”  The next day I ran into him in the hall and rescheduled.  I asked him to promise me that this time he would be there for the meeting.  He promised.

I got to his office for the meeting, he was not there.  I could see that he was in another office down the hall, so I stopped and talked to another co-worker while I waited.  Again 20 minutes went by.  He still was in the other person’s office.  When we finally got together, I told him that his missing the meeting made me feel very insignificant.  Not only did he miss the meeting, he did not return my phone call nor did he stop by to reschedule when he was in the area.  He started to apologize and I stopped him and told him I knew he did not mean to make me feel that way, but the consequences of his continually not showing up or being late for our meetings was making me feel like chopped liver.  We had a good meeting.  When I got up to leave, he apologized again.  Again I stated that I knew he did not mean to make me feel bad but that was the result of his missing the meetings.  I told him I wasn’t looking for an apology and if he wanted to show me that he had heard what I had said, he just need to show up for the meetings on time.  (Unfortunately this is going to be one of those traits that will take some work before the habit changes.)

September 1, 2008Success Story ~ an improved design

When Lee submitted the PowerPhrase of the Week last week, he left out the result. After reading the result, it was clear to me that this was actually a success story.

Here’s what he said,

I should have mentioned that the design review went well after I invoked the PowerPhrase.

The design team focused their attention back on the design, discussed several new alternatives, and agreed on an improved design.

August 29, 2008This Week in the World ~ Grass Roots Mobilization

August 27, 2008This Week in the World Say What You Mean eCourse teleseminar September 10th

The what tos, why tos and how tos
A friend mentioned she would “rather teach why tos than how tos.” After I reflected on her words, I realized I like teaching what tos, why tos and how tos. I like to point a direction, explain why that’s the best direction, and show the way to get there.

I like to teach from the most abstract level, and take the concepts down to concrete action steps. It’s not enough to get people all fired up. I want my words to make a difference in people’s lives.

My Say What You Mean eCourse champions my SpeakStrong philosophy and shows people how to walk the talk.

Starting September 10th, I will offer monthly Say What You Mean teleseminars to my SpeakStrong community. These teleseminars will be no charge to Say What You Mean enrollees. The first one will be September 10th.

Check it out
You can try the eCourse before you enroll. The introduction to my Say What You Mean eCourse is available without charge and there are sample lessons for your review as well.

August 27, 2008The Truth About Love

Next week I will announce my Truth About Love teleseminar series. For Colorado Springs residents, I will talk about it on Fox 21 Morning News on September 11th, and I will describe it when I speak at eWomen’s Network on September 12th.

August 27, 2008Quote of the day subscriber comment

My SpeakStrong Quote and Tip of the Day is available without charge. Here is one subscriber comment.

Hi Meryl. Happy Friday.
I receive the quote and tip of the day at my work email address. More often than not, they are so pertinent to issues I face here at work.
I just want you to know that your words have a resounding positive effect on my outlook and I am able to reassure myself that I am doing the right thing by speaking up, even if it is not the most popular.

I was doubting myself last night about speaking up about something and I definitely felt the wrath after I did so, but this quote reassures me that I did the right thing. Here’s the quote.

Thank you, Meryl. I needed this today.

SPEAK STRONG QUOTE of the DAY:
“The first to speak may take the heat, but leaders lead - they go first.” ~ Meryl Runion

SPEAK STRONG TIP of the DAY:
If everyone insists the emperor is wearing clothes, the first person to suggest he isn’t is likely to take some flack. Be a leader - speak the truth anyway.

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