November 18, 2009Bad form, even for a spammer
Everything we do communicates. I somehow got added to the email distribution list of a vendor I don’t know. Ironically, when I went to unsubscribe, I received a spam arrest notice. “I’m protecting myself from spam,” the notice began. So in order for me to unsubscribe from an unsolicited newsletter, I had to click a link and type in a code.
What does that communicate to you?
October 29, 2009PowerPhrases revision: What changes would you like me to make?
McGraw Hill asked me to revise and update my Perfect Phrases for Managers and Supervisors book, as they plan to relaunch it. I also know it’s time to revise and update PowerPhrases!.
What changes would you like to see? In addition to more phrases, I want to add sections to both books on the changing tone and communication values due to the fact that women now outnumber men in supervisory positions, the influence of Gen X and Gen Y in the workplace and intergenerational communication, mentoring and social networking.
Suggestions?
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September 2, 2009Looking for a smiling doll
I was sorting through my pictures recently and was struck yet again by the intensity of joy my son displays in almost every one. I thought what fun it would be to have a doll like that. I have four dolls and each is somber. Can anyone recommend a smiling doll, preferably a brunette girl doll?
September 1, 2009Luann faces guy choices like our communication choices
If you read Luann, you know there are three young men competing for her affections. And they each embody different qualities. Gunther is intellectual. Elwood is a power guy. And Quill is a charmer.
Most drama is based on conflicts and choosing between opposites. The resolution comes when we make that choice. However, the highest resolution comes when we integrate seemingly opposing qualities.
Some communication training emphasizes getting tough. Other training emphasizes building connections. Still other training puts the emphasis on logic and reason. Of course no approach is absolute – and Luann’s suitors are not one dimensional. But their tendencies are quite clear.
The best relationship candidates blend the different qualities and are able to draw on the one that best suits the needs of the situation. And the best communication approaches do the same – they invite you to speak strong, smart AND sweet, with the emphasis that best suits the situation.
Find your balance and pick your PowerPhrases.
August 18, 2009A workplace softening
My colleagues and I have noticed a softening in the workplace. We’ve noticed people letting their defenses down, admit what they’re feeling and being willing to be more tender with their colleagues.That’s why I have added Speak Smart and Speak Sweet to my Speak Strong message. That’s why my friend allowed one of the members of a corporate group she directed to continue with her tears until they were done. Everyone was moved and grateful.
When we start to let down, our sorrow can deepen because we recognize how hard we have been. If we let ourselves be human, we are not likley to need cathartic releases. But tender moments are still precious.
This is what many of my friends and I are noticing. How abut you?
May 16, 2009PowerPhrase Reader Discussion: What do you say to an elderly person who’s scared about the economy?
How do you talk to elderly people who are frightened by the economy? The one I’m thinkng of is relatively secure. I’d like the discussion to include talking to those with financial challenges and those who are more likely to weather the storm but are afraid they won’t.
What would you say? What have you said?
May 2, 2009Discussion Topic ~ Names for brainlet critters
I’m writing a playful intro to Speaking Strong, Smart and Sweet using characters to personify different “brainlets.” What would you name them?
Thinking: The Prof Feeling: Harmony Action: The Exec
Thinking: Sir ThinksALot Feeling: Ms FeelsALot Action: Sir Does ALot
Thinking: ItIsA (Impersonally labels) Feeling: Webby (builds webs) Action: Izzie (reptilian brain)
Thinking: Thinky Feeling: Care-ey Action: Do-ey
I’ve got a boxy cartoon for the thinking function, a heart one for the feeling function and a lizzard for the action one.
Thoughts?
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March 24, 2009Reader Discussion ~ How do you know if you’re having an egoic reaction?
How do you know if you’re having an egoic reaction to something? Some of the signs for me are a compelling desire to compare, prove myself right and dominate.
Wanting to understand what sent me into an egoic reaction is not an egoic reaction. But blaming the trigger for my own reaction is.
This discussion is based on my new Meryl’s Sharable Parable on ego management Half Glass’s Egoic Adventures: A lesson in labels, perspectives and identity.
Thanks for you input.
February 10, 2009This Week’s Discussion ~ Gender possessives and pronouns
It drives me crazy almost every time I write. There is no gender neutral word for singular possessives and pronouns. Hence I find myself writing his/her and s/he or even using “their,” (even though “their” is plural.) I don’t mind s/he so much, but his/her is so cumbersome.
It amazes me that we still haven’t developed a new norm for this. Maybe it should start here. What if we decide on new words and just start using them?
And if we do, what will they be?
Thoughts?
February 3, 2009Reader discussion ~ Emotional impact
Do you give your power away when you tell someone about the emotional impact of their behavior?
Last week I wrote the following as part of the words I gave my questioner: “When you step into my lane, it makes me feel irrelevant,” “Meryl Fan” commented,
“Oops, she just gave control of her feelings to the dominating peer.”
I admit that “makes me feel” is a poor choice of words. So while I suggest changing it to: “When you step into my lane, I feel irrelevant” I differ with the prevailing wisdom that suggests that if you let people know how their behavior affects you emotionally, you lose power. Most conversations have a strong emotional component, and if you ignore that, you’ll be talking around the issues. The work place isn’t a place for emotional displays, but when someone steps on your toes and crushes them, they will not understand what they’ve done if you hide the blood from them. If someone behaves in a way that has an emotional impact on you, they will not understand why they need to change if no one tells them how it hurts.
There are exceptions, of course. Some people will get power happy if they know you are wounded by their behavior. That’s the exception – not the rule.
What do you think? In general, does communicating the emotional impact of a behavior strengthen or weaken a message? Vote here,
