August 19, 2010Success Story: Inviting him to share his funk instead of telling him what he feels
Meryl,
Last week you told me many men find a remark as simple as:
- Are you angry?
to be intrusive. You suggested they hear it as psychologizing, and get defensive. I was stunned, because when my girlfriends and I ask each other questions like that, we hear it as support.
So this week when my husband got bad news about a promotion he wanted, I was sweet to him, but I left him pretty much alone. I didn’t ask him about it. After several hours, he invited me for a cup of tea. Then, I simply asked how he was doing. He said he was struggling, and was forthcoming about what was going on for him.
In the past, my attempts to support him have gone south. He’d get defensive and I’d find myself thinking he should just get over it and lose any kind of compassion. Or ‘d try to fix it for him, which didn’t work for either of us. I was pleased we were able to connect this time, mainly because I didn’t pry.
June 22, 2010Reader success story: How to use different words to lighten the burden of tough times
I then stood back from the situation and thought about everything and changed the way I described it. So when people asked how things were I would say ‘a bit challenging’. This not only brought a smile to my face as using the word ‘bit’ minimized the situation and made it a huge understatement. But the use of the word challenge changed my whole perspective and attitude as I do like a challenge! The very fact I could also smile about it helped considerably.
June 10, 2010Success story in progress: responding to corporate ignominy
Speaker Mike Scott notes that the difference between a reaction and a response is… (drum roll please) about three seconds.
I love this. I also say the difference is the degree of conscious choice in our actions. The measure of our communication maturity is how long it takes to go from feeling threatened or victimized to consciously exploring the opportunity in the offense, mistake or problem, and move forward.
But that doesn’t mean we act immediately. We study what cards we have in our hand so we can play them carefully and in sequence.
I am a success story in progress. A senselessly heartless corporate action (or non-action) changed the landscape of my life almost overnight. Yes, I did lose a little sleep over it. I also saw an opportunity in it immediately. I’m still reviewing the cards in my deck, lining up my ducks, and choosing my responses.
I invite you to be a part of my success story as it unfolds. Please stay tuned, as SpeakStrong explores empowered responses to corporate ignominy. The story will unfold in subsequent weeks. I will want, need and welcome your help and support.
June 10, 2010Reader Success Story: Trainer applies PowerPhrases when sideswiped at a seminar
A reader wrote:
“As a professional trainer I sometimes have colleagues visit my class to observe and learn. Recently I was working with a female colleague who traveled with me for a week. Quite honestly we didn’t “click”, and the week was turning out to be quite a challenge. Mid-week she was sitting in on a class I teach on dealing with emotions. At one point in the class I asked if someone in the class would engage me in a difficult conversation. The point being to show how to diffuse someone when you’re angry.
No one ever wants to do it – I always have to talk someone into it. But her hand went STRAIGHT up. So I called on her and she said, “Yeah – what’s up with your hair?!” (I had my hair clipped up that day). I had 75 women in the room waiting to see how I would respond. My adrenaline rushed and my face turned bright red – we had already had so many problems. I was angry and embarrassed.
Prior to learning PowerPhrases I probably would have had a small meltdown. But I paused and found a phrase. ”What would make you ask me a question like that?” I said. It’s funny, because I was so proud of myself for speaking strong – I thought we were through. Turns out we weren’t. Then she said, “I don’t know. Turn around. I think you look pretty unprofessional!” Wow! I paused again and found another phrase. ”Well, I do want to hear your comments, but not the pot shots.”
I gained a tremendous amount of confidence that day and I have Meryl’s PowerPhrases to thank. The best communication book ever.”
May 25, 2010Success Story: Dance transforms speaking effectiveness
Which is why I offer NIA DVDs even though my focus is communication.
A reader wrote:
“I learned an interesting twist I didn’t think much about, dancing helps with public speaking. I can recall how uncomfortable body language felt when speaking in front of a group for the first few times. As if I never used my arms or hands before. Dancing helps people get comfortable with their body and accentuate movements.
After I performed at district conference and most attendees participated in a group class afterward, I invited a new speaker to join us for a complimentary private lesson. He is a young, shy guy with terrible posture and body language but he’s a sweetie. It was incredible to watch the results in just one lesson. He looked like a different person when he stood tall with his focus on his core muscles and I paired him up with someone to practice with from our group class and his social interaction was much better. I look forward to him in our group class and seeing how he continues to improve. Some pleasures in life can be so simple….”
I agree with this reader. NIA is a way for you to dynamize your communication through dance...
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Related posts which may interest you
- Reader success story – No more hate speech
- Reader Question: help – my message doesn’t make it to my tongue
- Ask Meryl ~ Not my native tongue…keys to changing habits
- Reader Success Story: Trainer applies PowerPhrases when sideswiped at a seminar
- Reader success story: How to use different words to lighten the burden of tough times
May 6, 2010Success Story: energy at work by noting interests
Meryl,
I’m an executive assistant shared by the HR director and the VP of a map company. Much of what I do isn’t directly in line with my career interests, but I have to hand it to my employers. They know I like to write and we don’t have copywriters on the staff. So when something comes due for production that calls for some writing, they ask me to do it. It doesn’t happen that regularly, but the fact that they recognize and address my interests makes me enjoy my job a lot more.
April 23, 2010Facing the fire yields useful feedback for newsletter appeal: Success Story
I assumed Joy meant to hit forward and hit reply instead. It was a copy of my newsletter with the question – “do you want me to keep forwarding these? There seems to be less and less each time.”
So I hit reply. I said,
- Oops – I think you set me this by mistake. But since you did, would you be willing to explain what you liked better about my newsletter before? it could be really useful to me.”
Joy replied with specific useful observations.
- She likes the success stories and I haven’t been including many lately.
- I refer readers online more than I had and she doesn’t want to go online.
- And the examples seem to be more general and less about how to handle your typical business challenges than they once were.
Joy’s words were well thought-out, well communicated and easy to digest. I won’t be customizing my newsletter for her, but I will be making changes.
It was a happy accident that gave me information I wanted. I’m glad I faced the fire and asked for feedback. And I thank her for being so considered in her response.
P.S. Joy’s daughter answered her question about whether she wanted her mother to keep forwarding the newsletter. Joy’s daughter was quite specific as well about why she does want to keep getting them.
April 11, 2010Reader gracefully gets chronically late passenger to come on time
Meryl : A co-worker was wanting to meet at my house to ride with me to a meeting. I assured her she was welcome and asked what time she thought we ought to leave. She said 9:00 so my power statement was,
- Fantastic, my car will be leaving the driveway at 9:00.
She had the reputation of always being late but after my comment, she laughed and said I sounded just like her Aunt Mary. We commuted for 6 days and she was NEVER late!
April 5, 2010Reader’s doc was wrong and Dr. Google was right
A Reader wrote: I was misdiagnosed as bipolar when I really had narcolepsy. A consultation with Dr. Google really helped cinch the diagnosis. I went back to my doctor with a letter describing my symptoms and asked to be tested. He prescribed the sleep study.
A few years later my son was diagnosed with an epilepsy syndrome. He was put on meds that made him crazy. Dr. Google said the symptoms didn’t make sense for that syndrome. I got a second opinion and he has a different type of epilepsy, and we got him off those horrible drugs.
In current times, patients really have to advocate for themselves. Just watch mystery diagnosis. Doctors often think people are “faking” to get attention, but this is probably rare. If you have insurance that lets you, get a second opinion if you think something is not right. Always question the medications they put you on, and ask about alternatives to the treatments they prescribe. After I have asked, I have been able to use foods or herbs instead of the drugs they originally suggested.
March 29, 2010Success story – employee cared enough to point out problems
In a recent seminar I shared a story about how a manager addressed an issue with her aggressive boss. A participant told me she knew someone who had been on the receiving end of a conversation like that. She told us her friend’s response was deep gratitude. She said, “No one ever cared enough about me to tell me I was being intimidating before.”
You know you’ve spoken skillfully when that happens.
