April 11, 2010Reader gracefully gets chronically late passenger to come on time
Meryl : A co-worker was wanting to meet at my house to ride with me to a meeting. I assured her she was welcome and asked what time she thought we ought to leave. She said 9:00 so my power statement was,
- Fantastic, my car will be leaving the driveway at 9:00.
She had the reputation of always being late but after my comment, she laughed and said I sounded just like her Aunt Mary. We commuted for 6 days and she was NEVER late!
April 5, 2010Reader’s doc was wrong and Dr. Google was right
A Reader wrote: I was misdiagnosed as bipolar when I really had narcolepsy. A consultation with Dr. Google really helped cinch the diagnosis. I went back to my doctor with a letter describing my symptoms and asked to be tested. He prescribed the sleep study.
A few years later my son was diagnosed with an epilepsy syndrome. He was put on meds that made him crazy. Dr. Google said the symptoms didn’t make sense for that syndrome. I got a second opinion and he has a different type of epilepsy, and we got him off those horrible drugs.
In current times, patients really have to advocate for themselves. Just watch mystery diagnosis. Doctors often think people are “faking” to get attention, but this is probably rare. If you have insurance that lets you, get a second opinion if you think something is not right. Always question the medications they put you on, and ask about alternatives to the treatments they prescribe. After I have asked, I have been able to use foods or herbs instead of the drugs they originally suggested.
March 29, 2010Success story – employee cared enough to point out problems
In a recent seminar I shared a story about how a manager addressed an issue with her aggressive boss. A participant told me she knew someone who had been on the receiving end of a conversation like that. She told us her friend’s response was deep gratitude. She said, “No one ever cared enough about me to tell me I was being intimidating before.”
You know you’ve spoken skillfully when that happens.
March 1, 2010Success Story: Kids’ relationship contract resolves dramas
I’ve written about “relationship by agreement” many times. Today I read a blog post that describes youngsters putting this into action.
The Detective Mom’s daughter would find herself in friendship triangles where one friend would try to convince her to drop another as a friend. The last time the three got into a dispute, one girl drew up a contract about how they would treat each other. It solved the issue.
Have you heard the song “I don’t want to play in your yard?”
“You can’t holler down our rain barrel,
You can’t climb our apple tree,
I don’t want to play in your yard
If you won’t be good to me.”
Sounds reasonable to me. And the kids in the Detective Mom post demonstrate how to define what it means to be good to each other.
People I work with and I define what being good to each other means for us, in terms like:
- 24 hour response time.
- Manage expectations by updating when delivery times change.
- Talk about what we want more than what we don’t want.
How do you define what being good to each other means to you?
February 24, 2010Success story: Admin gracertively got manager to cut workload
This phrase come from a post on Crucial Conversations. The author’s assistant couldn’t keep up with her expanding responsibilities. She addressed the issue by listing what she does for him that makes the biggest contribution. He agreed with the list. Then she observed,
- If I continue to do X, Y, and Z—I won’t be able to improve my response time and quality in these areas. At least that’s how it appears to me. If you can see something I’m missing, please tell me. I don’t want to shirk my work.
Her manager agreed that the either needed to drop the other tasks or find another way to get them done. She looked even more valuable to him after that conversation than she had before.
November 25, 2009Success Story: Conversation about hygiene changes a life
One of the most popular articles I have is about how to tell someone they smell bad. I see that topic emerge in many places. Joseph Grenny, coauthor of Crucial Conversations, tells a tale of how his coming clean with a smelly friend (please forgive my pun) changed his friend’s life.
It’s at the bottom of the article addressing inappropriate attire. Scroll down or read the whole thing.
Then, if you’re ready to SpeakStrong, you can find some help with my PowerPhrase tutorial.
November 11, 2009Reader success story: feeling words dispel anger
Meryl,
My father only recently learned that the anger he has lived with is a secondary emotion and he needed to discover the primary emotion in order to stop feeling angry all the time. I pointed him in the direction of your feeling word list. Thanks for all the resources you provide.
October 12, 2009Reader Story: A loud radio
I put up with a coworker’s loud radio for nearly a year. I work with words and found the country lyrics very distracting when I was trying to write. I tried earplugs and headphones, but nothing blocked out the twang. I knew that I should say something to her directly, but instead I complained about it to everyone else (I even made it a frequent Twitter topic). My boss offered to intervene (tired of hearing my complaints), but I knew it would be best for all parties if I addressed it on my own. But I was terrified! I hate to make waves. I knew she liked having her radio on and didn’t believe my need for quiet was more important than her desire for music. But I finally realized my productivity was suffering and my stress level was increasing. I knew I had to say something, but how?
SpeakStrong to the rescue! Your book helped me get the confidence I needed to say something and helped me find the right words to say it. I am now working in a quiet, productive environment. More importantly, I have learned the value of communicating my needs directly. It feels great!
Thanks for writing your book and for all you do to help others be empowered communicators.
I started with Skill Set #15: Dare to Desire. The examples hit home, and showed me how I’ve been conditioned to not ask for things I want. But your book helped me understand that I shouldn’t feel guilty for having legitimate needs and, in this case, my need for quiet was quite legitimate especially since it was impacting my productivity and work performance.
As far as how I asked, I reviewed Skill Set #17: Ask so you will receive. I made sure I was clear in my asking, I let her explore alternatives with me, and I explained why I wanted what I wanted.
She said it was no problem to accommodate my request.
July 15, 2009Success Story: Romance Novel author uses SpeakStrong character dialogue
Meryl, your Speak Strong books are helping my writing tremendously! I use the philosophy of them in dialog quite a bit. My villain is a sly fellow who is working to make the hero doubt both the heroine and himself, and he uses Poison Phrases a lot. Right now, the hero is bucking up the heroine with Power Phrase philosophy, but pretty soon, it will be her turn to support him.
I’m also using your philosophy when it comes to the mechanics of writing.
I’ve been working on eliminating passive wording for a while now, but I’ve noticed a lot of “nots” in my writing. Instead of saying what something/someone is, I tend to say what it/they are not. I am working to make my phrasing more positive.
Bet you never thought someone would use your work to strengthen a romance novel, huh?
July 10, 2009Success Story: humor in the financial industry goes a long way
Meryl, In my business – the financial industry – people are so often frightened when we meet. They’re intimidated by the very idea of investing, scared about what might happen if/when they do invest, and worried they don’t know enough to have an intelligent discussion of options.
If I can inject a note of playfulness where appropriate–if I can make ‘em laugh–the whole dynamic changes. They relax, and open to a completely different level of interaction.
In my experience, people can bring so many barriers to a meeting that finding a way to help them gently lower those barriers is important. It’s really beautiful to watch and experience.
