March 15, 2010PowerPhrases for phone calls and texting popular with the 3 yr old crowd
When I wrote about addressing cell phone use and texting during meetings and video conferences in my phrase books. I had no idea that 3 year-olds would be having those conversations. The Detective Mom tells of how her youngest son spoke strong while playing school about the electronic interruptions.
You can read about it here. School is now in session.
March 8, 2010Oscar Power and Poison Phrases
Sandra Bullock won kudos with her Oscar acceptance speech that could be summarized with her comment,
- I have so many people to thank for my good fortune in this lifetime.
Her speech was what I call Gracertive.
Another winner started her acceptance speech with:
- First I would like to thank the Academy for showing it can be about the performance and not the politics.
I later read that this actor hadn’t lobbied to win, and surmised that might be what she was referring to. But not knowing that, the comment sounded dismissive of the other candidates, implying that the only reason one of them might have won would have been political. I found the wording to lack some grace, particularly considering that many viewers would not know about the politics that inform this actor’s words.
March 5, 2010Line cutting PowerPhrase proves Speaking Strong is contagious
Crucial Conversations’ Kerry Patterson reported on a confrontation experiment that proved that when people get the words to graciously address issues, they are far more likely to speak up.
It was a line-cutting experiment where a researcher cut line to see if people confronted the offender. No one did. Then they repeated the experiment with another researcher planted in line who confronted the infraction harshly. The line-cutter apologized and went to the back of the line. They followed this with yet another line-cutting researcher to see if anyone would follow the example of the person who addressed the issue. No one spoke up.
In a final experiment, they had a researcher planted in line who was graciously assertive when another researcher cut line. He said,
- I’m sorry. Perhaps you’re unaware. We’ve been standing in line for over fifteen minutes.
The line cutter apologized and went to the back of the line. This was followed by another researcher cutting line. 85% of the time, those who observed a gracious confrontation politely yet firmly addressed a subsequent line-cutter.
Thanks to Kerry Patterson and his team for demonstrating what my SpeakStrong community and I have known. When we get the words to say what we mean and mean what we say without being mean when we say it, we become empowered to speak up.
Be sure to read the post. Like all Kerry’s posts, it’s insightful and interesting. I was thrilled to discover it.
March 2, 2010PowerPhrase: Let me give you gas money
Our neighbor loves his snow plow, so we regularly get plowed out before the snow even stops. We love that. Instead of asking our beneficiary if he could pay him for plowing, my husband said,
- Let me give you $20 for gas.
Now, there’s no way our little driveway took that much gas. But had Bob offered to pay, it would have diminished the magnanimousness of the neighbor’s service. By considering it gas money, he could still tell himself, “I’m the kind of guy who helps his neighbor.” Which, of course, he is. And we’re the kind of people who like to show our appreciation.
February 24, 2010Success story: Admin gracertively got manager to cut workload
This phrase come from a post on Crucial Conversations. The author’s assistant couldn’t keep up with her expanding responsibilities. She addressed the issue by listing what she does for him that makes the biggest contribution. He agreed with the list. Then she observed,
- If I continue to do X, Y, and Z—I won’t be able to improve my response time and quality in these areas. At least that’s how it appears to me. If you can see something I’m missing, please tell me. I don’t want to shirk my work.
Her manager agreed that the either needed to drop the other tasks or find another way to get them done. She looked even more valuable to him after that conversation than she had before.
February 23, 2010PowerPhrase: I would not feel comfortable with my daughters working under your management
The Hooters episode of The Undercover Boss exposed a manager who (in my opinion) should have been fired on the spot. Management decided to retrain him instead.
When confronted, Jimbo defended his hostile style. The Hooters CEO showed him a photo and told him,
- These are my two daughters. I would not feel comfortable with them working under your management.
That comment got through Jimbo’s defenses. Personalization often succeeds when abstract explanations fail.
February 12, 2010Smooth Verbal Aikido Comeback response on Facebook keeps posts on track
When my friend posted on Facebook:
“In a never-ending effort to drop 10 lbs, just bought a GoWear Fit. It’s like a BodyBugg. Anyone else have one?”
A friend that I assume means well replied,
“Try taking your focus off the 10 lbs which you DON’T want, and put it on the weight that you DO want to be 
”
My friend’s response subtly turned the conversation back from the unsolicited advice to her new purchase, when she said,
“Am I to infer you don’t have a GoWear Fit?”
Playful, poignant and also, it kept her post about her new monitoring device from turning into a discussion of her attitude toward her weight.
Nice verbal Aikido move.
February 4, 2010PowerPhrase: Passing rumors is gossip
Three “WikisRUs” employees were riding in a car discussing the management changes the company was going through. When they started sharing rumors, Nancy pulled out her cell phone (she wasn’t driving) and called her manager to ask questions about what she was hearing. She did that because she remembered her manager saying,
- Passing rumors instead of verifying them is a destructive form of gossip. Gossip doesn’t serve our team, but clarifying rumors does. I will respond to all questions about rumors you’ve heard.
Her manager was able to clear up most of the rumors, and her team members discovered they were better off verifying rumors than spreading them too.
January 14, 2010“Rankism:” A new favorite word. And unfavorite practice.
My friend Evan told me about the word “rankism” today. Here’s what wikipedia says about it.
Rankism is a term coined by physicist, educator, and citizen diplomat Robert W. Fuller. Fuller has defined rankism as: “abusive, discriminatory, or exploitative behavior towards people who have less power because of their lower rank in a particular hierarchy”[1]. Fuller claims that rankism also describes the abuse of the power inherent in superior rank, with the view that rank-based abuse underlies many other phenomena such as bullying, racism, sexism, and homophobia.
What an interesting perspective! Like other biases, it can be so subtle we don’t see it. Or so pronounced we think it’s a given.
January 12, 2010PowerPhrase: I’m checking in on you, not checking up on you
Managers sometimes find employees resist their involvement, thinking they are checking up on them. Here’s a phrase I like:
• I’m here, not to check up on you, but to check in with you.
