August 28, 2010Songs Help to SpeakStrong #2: Sing to Soothe Instead of Scold to Stifle
Music is an undervalued communication resource. When I was growing up, my mother used to sing a lot. She couldn’t carry a tune, but she was vibrantly alive. Her songs filled me with joy and remain in my heart to this day.
When my best friend was dying in the hospital, I sang to her. She’d ask me to sing the “Everybody Loves Cindi” song. It was an honor. After she died, her boyfriend commented on how the tone of my ministering to her was an incredibly sweet experience in contrast to the hospital environment and their own conversations.
I see parents shushing babies on airplanes. Some even slap their small ones. I know from my experience that most of the time, singing to my little guy soothed him into silence or cooing. It had positive side-effects – not negative ones.
I’d much rather sing to soothe than scold to stifle. That’s speaking Strong, Smart AND Sweet.
August 27, 2010Song Helps to SpeakStrong. Harmonies smooth the expression of anger
It happens. Someone I care about let me down, and I was upset. I was out-of-balance angry.
How did I know I was out of balance? All the flaws and limits of my dear associate seemed bigger than life. I had a legitimate issue to discuss, and I needed to get back in balance so I could speak from heart.
And music was key to make that happen. Several minute into listening to sweet music, I found my agitation softening. I lost my self-righteous drive to say a thing or two about a thing or two to set things “right.” I was able to communicate my upset with a velvet knife instead of a sledge hammer. We had a lovely dialogue that left us feeling closer than ever.
Sometimes song can help us SpeakStrong…Smart and Sweet.
I am planning how-to webinars this fall, so do stay tuned, plus my SpeakStrong book gives lots of very practical tips about how to express emotions in ways that empower everyone.
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- Dixie Chicks still not ready to make nice. They don’t have to. They don’t have to be mad as hell, either.
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June 27, 2010Dixie Chicks still not ready to make nice. They don’t have to. They don’t have to be mad as hell, either.
It has been seven years and the Dixie Chicks still aren’t “ready to make nice.” I posted in 2006 about the death threats and harassment they received for expressing their opinion of our president at that time. I also wrote of the power of their song Not Ready to Make Nice. One of my posts noted,
“As they say in their Not Ready to Make Nice song, ‘It turned my whole world around and I kind of like it.’ Their latest album makes it clear why. They have become all the more powerful and expressive. They wrote every song on the album and are making the kind of music they want without feeling restrained by their former base. Because they spoke what they believed they got kicked out of a group they didn’t completely fit with and are discovering a group that feels more like home.”
The Chicks are currently touring with the Eagles, and Not Ready to Make Nice remains their most popular song. It won best song and best album at the Grammys for 2007.
Just in case you think that when your world falls apart, you need to try to piece it back together the way that it was.
I completely LOVE their song. As someone who is particular about nuances of words I would like to say, however, that I don’t want anyone to listen and conclude when someone does you wrong, your options are to comply or get really angry.
If you are angry, don’t pretend you’re not. I offer seven ways to move through and alchemize anger in this article. Constructive Anger: How to SpeakStrong when you’re seeing red. Seven ways to handle anger
Anger is a healthy response to mistreatment, but if you find your new world so compelling that you can’t invest a lot of time in anger, go for it. You don’t have to be angry to avoid making nice.
Anger is a great fuel for action. But so is creativity. If you can’t get mad, don’t get even. And don’t make nice, either. Get creative.
Which, of course, is something the Dixie Chicks also know a lot about.
October 23, 2009Speak Sweet: Art sweetens the bitterness of life
In August I posted about my new commitment to let myself cry at movies. Last night I revisited the song Bright Eyes from Watership Down. What a sweet song, and what sublime tears it inspires.
The You Tube posts about the song include comments from people who laugh at themselves for crying so deeply about the death of a cartoon bunny. It may seem silly, but it is healthy. Art sweetens the bitterness of life. We cry over cartoon bunnies so we can face the pain of losing a real bunny – or kitten – or parent – or child – without becoming bitter.
My heart feels much more alive after replaying the song that moved me so deeply. And you know that deepens communication.
September 20, 2009SpeakStrong: confronting performance illusions
The crucial conversation team addressed employees who have “delusions of adequacy” at the performance review. Joseph Grenny wrote, “It should be no surprise to those of us in leadership positions that we often have to confront people’s illusions about themselves.”
His excellent advice doesn’t address a question that came to my mind. Why is the discrepancy between perception and performance being dealt with at the PERFORMANCE REVIEW? Why wasn’t this clarified long before in a collaborative effort to prepare the employee for a stellar review?
My Totally Integrated Performance System – or TIPS – implements systems to keep the dialogue going throughout the performance period and doesn’t allow for surprises at the review.
Leaders still need to confront illusions about performance, but in a timing that makes the stakes more reasonable.
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September 8, 2009Parrot PowerPhrases
Did you know that parrots pick up profanity more quickly than common phrases because there’s so much energy in them?
That’s compelling evidence that emotions do have a place in the impact of words, whether we want them to or not!
