March 2, 2010HBR post nails the need to consider image in choosing words and Speaking Strong
What kind of person are you?
Are you the kind of person who works cheap? Are you the kind of person who helps those in need?
Peter Bregman highlights the importance of asking for things in ways that enhance self image in an article about motivation in Harvard Business Review. Bregman reported that when AARP asked some lawyers if they would reduce their fee to $30 an hour to help needy retirees, the lawyers declined. Then they asked the lawyers if they would do it for free. The lawyers agreed.
Bregman explains that when we consider whether to do something, we subconsciously ask ourselves: “Am I the kind of person who . . ?” When the lawyers were offered $30 an hour their question was “Am I the kind of person who works for $30 an hour?” Their answer was no. When they were asked to do it as a favor, they asked themselves, “Am I the kind of person who helps people in need?” Their answer to that question was yes.
Fascinating! Think of the implications. And then, think of what kind of person the people in your life think they are – and how your words might challenge or enhance those images.
Non-profit meeting planners sometimes ask me if I will speak for an honorarium instead of asking if I would speak for a reduced fee.
Writing partners will ask if their buddies would welcome input instead of if they need help.
Good managers say they will ask their staff to do things instead of saying they will tell them to do things.
People who speak for honorariums, receive input and are asked to do things feel different from those who reduce their fees, need help and are told what to do.
When you pick your words, stay aware of what kind of person you are signaling the other person to be. Choose words that dynamize their self-images and create momentum.
February 17, 2010Find the Sunny Side of Conflict in March 18th SpeakStrong Seminar find the opportunity in your arguments
Have you found The Lost Generation video? It reads the exact opposite backwards as forward. Not only does it read the opposite, the meaning is the exact opposite. It’s only a 1 minute, 44 second video and it is brilliant. Make sure you read as well as listen forward and backward. I also posted the words with the video. Once you’ve read it through, read the last line again, then the next to last line and so on.
The perfection of this heartens me, because I so often find in communication and in life that the problem contains the solution, the objection the reason to buy, and the limitation can lead to the liberation… if we can see the opportunity right in front of our faces. So visit my blog and find The Lost Generation.
Then, check out my Sunny Side of Conflict SpeakStrong Seminar in Denver March 18th, where we’ll get the skills to turn negativity and conflict into opportunity and collaboration.
February 9, 2010Conference tips from humorist Brad Montgomery
Click and scroll down for your tips to liven up conferences from a very funny colleague of mine. I’m planning a conference for tomorrow and will remember a few of these.
January 1, 2010Success Story – Brand-Aid – eight steps to clarity
If you’re looking to clarify your brand – your self-definition, identity and message, Brand-Aid is a useful tool. And one blogger writes about how she put it into action here.
I seem to be rebranding myself and am pleased to be reminded of my own tools! Check it out.
December 11, 2009Success Story: The power of kindness in the face of desperation
It’s a SpeakStrong success story ala Les Miserables. Last June a shopkeeper
thwarted a thief’s attempts, and then gave him $40 and a loaf of bread, with
the condition he would never steal again. Six months later, the thief sent
the shopkeeper a letter and $50. The letter told the shopkeeper that his
kindness turned his life around.
The shopkeeper used power to stop the attempt, but then used kindness to
awaken the robber’s humanity. Power can serve us in the moment. Ultimately
grace is more powerful.
November 18, 2009Women in male-dominated industries
One of my clients just wrote me that before she read PowerPhrases!, the only communication tool she had in her toolbox was a hammer.
She’s a woman in a male-dominated industry. I just presented a webinar for her professional association. The questions centered around how to communicate as a woman in an industry that hasn’t yet figured out that women are now prominent in the workforce.
Women actually can have an advantage in those settings. Why? Because women tend to use more tools than just a hammer.
Are you interested in participating in a tele-forum about women in male-dominated industries? Let me know if you are. And tell me if you prefer a day time or evening event.
November 18, 2009Great discussion in the Washington Post about Speaking Strong, truth and tact.
Read the discussion here. http://bit.ly/1b1iFo
Here’s my favorite: below and elaborated at the following link. http://bit.ly/XE4SY
Flip the switch
Successful people do tend to talk straight, name the elephant in the room, put their cards on the table, and “discuss the undiscussable.” They do this because they have learned the power of dialogue.
November 11, 2009Reader success story: feeling words dispel anger
Meryl,
My father only recently learned that the anger he has lived with is a secondary emotion and he needed to discover the primary emotion in order to stop feeling angry all the time. I pointed him in the direction of your feeling word list. Thanks for all the resources you provide.
November 4, 2009PowerPhrase: I would like to meet you in person to discuss this
A year ago Janet knew everyone in one of her major client’s office, but after so many lay-offs and other changes, she found she was working with a whole new team of people she didn’t have a personal relationship with. She felt uneasy about a negotiation, so instead of ignoring her concern, she said,
- Let’s meet in person to discuss this.
She flew in and got to know the new team, which reset the working relationship back to one of trust and understanding like what she had with the previous team.
When you use email, at the very least, pick up the phone at the first sign of tension or the first sense of a disconnect.
November 3, 2009Poison Phrase: You have a few feminine traits. That is okay. Most men do.
The host of a teleseminar I guest-presented for shared a story about a performance review she had many years ago several years into her career as a manager. Her reviewer listed her strengths and concluded by observing,
- You have a few feminine traits. That’s okay. Most men do.
Of course she was taken aback, so the reviewer mentioned that for a moment he had forgotten she was a woman.
You can read more about it here.
