August 8, 2008This Week in the World ~ An invitation to SpeakStrong in Love: FREE presentation in Denver, article summary
Last week’s SpeakStrong in Love presentation surpassed expectations and was so well received that I scheduled another one in Denver next Monday.
If you live too far away to attend, the invitation to SpeakStrong in Love is for you too. You can read my summary of the talk and get the information.
But for those of you in Colorado, here’s the info. It’s
Monday, August 11th, 7-9 PM
The Peoples House
3035 West 25th Ave, Denver. Park in the lot in the back.
You don’t need to register. If you’re thinking about driving up from Colorado Springs, we could ride up together. Please tell your Colorado friends about this talk. There is no cost beyond an optional $5 donation to People House.
Get more information at SpeakStrong in Love.
August 3, 2008Reader comment ~ Nurses who don’t speak up
I am e-mailing to let you know that I am using your article and test on Communication Styles for my staff development education. Preceptors feel if they communicate openly and honestly, that they are being “mean.” I keep saying if they aren’t communicating openly and honestly then they are being mean…because they are doing a dis-service to the new employee by not giving appropriate feedback to support or change behavior.
Meryl’s Comment / request: Beautiful point, fabulously put.
I am speaking at the Emergency Nurse’s Association in September and need nurses stories. I invite any and all. Thanks!
July 1, 2008Reader Discussion ~ when victims blame themselves
Do you ever blame yourself for someone else’s inappropriateness? Many people do.
Sezgin Cihangir conducted a study using mock job interviews where he asked gender-biased questions of women and subsequently turned them down for the job. Half the women were told they were declined because they lacked skills. The other half were told they were decined due to their gender.
“The women who were openly rejected on gender grounds didn’t have a problem,” says Cihangir. “They knew that they were rejected because of their gender and not because of their skills. Their reaction then focused on the interviewer, the perpetrator of the discrimination. We got a completely different picture from the women who were supposedly rejected because they had given wrong answers. They looked for the reason for their rejection in themselves, which resulted in a low self-image and poorer performance in tests such as IQ tests.”
Overt inappropriateness is much easier to manage than hidden inappropriateness. That’s why I’m actually more opposed to passive-aggressive behavior than overt aggression. It’s the ones you don’t see coming that get you.
Unfortunately, most manipulators don’t broadcast their inappropriateness. That’s why many of us wonder - is it me? - when someone else is way out of line. That’s an important habit to overcome.
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June 28, 2008Poison Phrase ~ Blah, blah, blah
Meryl,
I am one of your subscribers. I occasionally use a poison phrase “Blah, Blah, Blah.” How can I get rid of this? Please advise. Thanks in advance.
Meryl Responds:
I talk about how to change unwanted communication habits in my eCourse. It’s included in the first four sessions, which is available free here.
http://www.speakstrong.com/eCourse/index.html
I have more suggestions than I can detail here. Here are a few ideas.
1. Have someone you trust be your “blah, blah, blah buddy,” and have them keep track of how often you say it. That will make you more conscious of your habit.
2. Create a phrase to use when you catch yourself saying it. Something like:
I’m trying to break myself of the habit of saying blah, blah, blah because… What I mean to say is…
It might not be appropriate in every case, but use your phrase every time you can.
3. Review your conversations at the end of each day. If you used the unwanted words, imagine yourself in the same conversation without using those words.
These tips should do the job, but the eCourse will give you more tools.
May 22, 2008Poison Phrase ~ You can’t tell anyone this
Debbie is often divisive in her communication. Bryce knows that, so as soon as Debbie brought up their coworker and said,
- You can’t tell anyone this,
Bryce cut her off. He knew she was ready to bad-mouth their colleague, and he said,
I won’t agree to that. This is a road to nowhere that I want to go. The three of us need to be completely open, and I won’t agree to secrets.
Bryce’s boundaries were very clear.
March 10, 2008This Week in the World ~ Free 12 Secrets cassettes with $39 order
It’s time for me to bite the bullet. Cassette tapes just don’t sell anymore. So while supplies last, you can get The 12 Secrets to High Self-Esteem free with any order of $39 or more.
That includes the Say What You Mean eCourse.
I have a pretty good inventory, so chances are the supplies will last. Just place your order and I’ll add the cassettes. It’s a fabulous resource.
February 14, 2008This Week in the World ~ shifting gears
I subscribe to a wide variety of blogs, and I read them on Google Reader. I read news, politics, financial, marketing, satire and even an astrology blog.
Sometimes I forget what I’m reading, and don’t shift gears when I change genres. I experience this most dramatically when I shift from news to satire or vice versa. I will try to see the humor in a serious news post - or marvel at the absurdity of the world, only to realize I was actually reading satire.
The fact is, we always interpret ideas within contextual frameworks. Contexts are formed based on a variety of factors including communication styles, values, assumptions, past experiences, and previous information. And, yes, what came right before your remark will color the way others hear your comments.
If you ever find a conversation isn’t connecting, take a step back and examine context. Once you share your framework, you might find the conversation goes much better.
