August 29, 2010Song Helps to SpeakStrong #3: Critter Tales

Many of our neighbors have dogs. Some have great relationships and their dogs do what they want, including coming whenthey call. Others train their dogs not to come, thinking they’re training them to come.

When their dog harasses someone (for example, me…) these people angrily shout, “Come here!” If he does come, they scold him. They go on and on about how horrible the dog is. Hmmm… not real inviting! Usually the dogs ignore their owners and do whatever they wish.

Our cat comes almost every time we call her, because she knows she’s into something good. We even sing to her. She prances around in response to us singing her praises, rubbing against every corner and chair leg she can find.

A PowerPhrase is as strong as it needs to be and no stronger. For many of us, learning to Speak Strong means sweetening it up. It can even mean singing. You might not want to open your board meeting that way – but if you hum a tune on your way over, you just might find the whole discussion goes more smoothly.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, my cat is singing to me, and I’d like to go listen. Purrrrr.

I am planning how-to webinars this fall, so do stay tuned, plus my SpeakStrong book give lots of very practical tips about how to express emotions in ways that empower everyone.

August 23, 2010@danmulhern quote – There is trapped energy all over the place, potentially released in brilliant flashes and breakthrough

I got energized just reading this sentence In Dan Mulhern’s latest post.

• There is trapped energy all over the place, potentially released in brilliant flashes and breakthroughs.

He goes on to say,

• Your task and mine is to engage people. Get them to become energy producers, instead of  passive, underutilized, and complaining users of the energy thrown off by old authorities – politics, church, and the  educational monolith (whose structures and methods still resemble Cambridge of 1700 or the one-room school houses of the 1800′s).

This is what the new Dynamics of Communication and my Dynamic Leadership model are all about. Untrapping energy. Not letting outdated structures limit our ability to respond to life as it unfolds.

Check his whole article out. http://www.danmulhern.com/2010/08/tap-the-power-oil-and-the-crow/

July 31, 2010What do employees want in employers? Hands down:Clarity. @danmulhern

Dan Mulhern conducted a survey to find out what employees want from employers. It all came down to:

• The message could not be clearer for all of us.  Clarify the goals, the ends, the aims – what it is we’re trying to accomplish, and frequently and clearly let people know how they are doing against those objectives.

He also noted: What we most want is what’s most often missing: CLARITY! Top on the list of negative boss behaviors it were: vagueness, mixed messages, favoritism, lack of feedback and flip-flopping.

So how clear are you with your employees?

I will add to this, that if you have a manager or supervisor who is not being clear, it’s up to you to clarify. Ask clarifying questions, paint a picture of what you plan to do based on their directives, and summarize what they tell you.

Here’s a great article for clear delegation. How to Delegate Work: How to delegate more effectively for great results. You can get more tips in my PowerPhrases! book about being clear and clarifying when someone isn’t.

July 18, 2010Success Story: Collaborating seminar temperatures

I saw a trainer handle the seminar temperature issue by asking,

• If you’re cold and you want the temperature up, point your thumb up. If it feels just right, point your thumb to the side. If it’s too warm and you want the temperature down, point your thumb down.

I also started carrying a thermometer with me, and announce the temperature before I take the survey. Often people are sure it’s in the mid 60′s when it’s actually low 70′s. It helps to have an objective measure. A thermometer is particularly useful when the temperature can’t be adjusted since it’s rarely as extreme as people suspect.

Another phrase I picked up from speaker Christine Holton is,

• Hotels have two temperatures. Arctic Circle and hatching baby chicks.

A little humor doesn’t alter the temperature, but it does lighten the mood.

July 10, 2010Reader question: Interview for a job like a “Naked Consultant”

Hi Meryl,

My husband is going to have an interview soon and I thought it would be nice if he knew the power words to say on the interview day. What not to say and say. Would you be so kind as to help me to find the right words? Thanks for your tips to make the interviewer listen and impress.

Response:

I recommend he consider it an INTERVIEW instead of him just needing to prove himself. In other words, he’s out to see if it’s a match and what he can contribute in the interview. Whether he wants the job, and what he can give as well as get.

I like the book The Naked Consultant even though this is an interview for a job instead of a contract. The consultants in it don’t sell themselves, they share ideas. The “prospect” gets lots of useful information in the getting-to-know-each other phase, and that makes them want more. Applied to a dynamic job interview, that would mean asking questions and making recommendations that give the experience of what you (your husband) can do.

For example, a woman who I spoke with about social media coaching gave me so much information in our 45 minute interview I couldn’t wait to hire her. She gave me concrete suggestions about things she recommended I do. Some people guard their information, but this lady laid it out. She said, things like,

• There are things you could do to attract media attention to your site that you’re not doing, like…

That kind of experiential sharing creates relationship and leaves the “interviewer” hungry for more. So do phrases like…

• I can help you by…
• I’m excited by the possibilities of working here because…
• When I was researching your site, I was thinking about what a great position you’re in to…

So what I’m sharing here is more of a mindset than phrases. If you (he) thinks of the interview as an opportunity to share what he knows more than sell himself, the selling happens naturally.

July 6, 2010Dynamic dignity, corporate ignominy #5: Even my IPod says good-bye, Part B: Calendared out

Last week I posted about how a company I’ve been associated with for 13 years cut my book from their lists right after I printed 30 thousand copies. They made no mention that their projections had changed, and I found out about the decision weeks later from a third party. When I asked why they hadn’t told me they were thinking about cutting my book before I went to press, they explained that they never tell vendors they won’t be ordering from them anymore – they let the vendors figure it out on their own.

I loved Grace’s comment to the post.

“We just let them figure it out when they don’t get orders anymore??? Hmm. This makes me think about being a manager and having an employee once in a while just stop showing up for work (nature of the business I was in, unfortunately). They too seemed to think that we would just “figure out” that they didn’t feel like working there anymore. We did — sometimes after several phone calls and quizzing of other employees and often with much concern as to what had happened to them.”

Grace went on to note,

“When you lay off employees, do you tell them or do you just lock them out one day?”

Well, Grace isn’t that far off. This company uses independent contractors to teach their seminars. They schedule them by sending out calendars with their dates and cities listed. Some months are heavy and other months are light. Even their top trainers get blank calendars at times. No message, just a calendar that looks like this.

I stopped teaching seminars in my prime, so I never experienced this, but my son worked for them for a year. When they decided to stop scheduling him, they sent him month after month of blank calendars. Yep. he would open his Fed Ex package each month to find an empty calendar. They just let the trainers figure out they no longer had a source of income with this company. They just let the trainers figure out that they’ve been “calendared out.” So why should I be surprised that after a 13 year association, they let me figure out I had 30 thousand books to move?

Even my Ipod says goodbye when I shut it down. It’s simple courtesy, isn’t it?

(Please note, I had many great years in my assocation with this company. That’s what made the senseless heartlessness of their final behaviors all the more devastating.)

July 1, 2010Reader Success Story: / The rejection letter that resulted in an endorsementBlindsided by the boss

Success story: The rejection letter that resulted in an endorsement

Before I signed my contracts with Morgan James Publishing, I researched the “buzz” about them. One author wrote,

Your kind “non acceptance” note was one of the classiest and well written I have ever seen in the publishing industry. Although my author’s manuscript was not chosen I will continue to send you projects in the future.”

I think the caliber of a company is reflected in how they treat people they aren’t doing business with. Too often companies forget to extend grace to those who aren’t making them any money.

Reader Success Story: Blindsided by the boss

A reader wrote: I remember a situation when a new boss blind-sided me in front of her boss (my first interaction with him) accusing me of creating a problem. In actuality, I had done my portion well, with no errors. The next person in the chain caused a small imperfection (you would laugh if I told you what it was). Instead of asking me about the perceived problem, she accused me of wrong doing.

After we got the issue worked out and were alone, I explained (rather boldly for me) that I could spend my time in the office working productively or I could spend it looking over my shoulder waiting to be blind-sided. I said that I would rather work, but the natural instinct when one feels at risk for attack is to look over one’s shoulder.

I explained that which option I ended up using was up to her and how she treated me. I added that if she had problems in the future with my work, I would appreciate her asking me before assuming I had failed to meet her expectations. I don’t know as it changed her approach long term, but it did for a while, and I felt much better about myself as I worked in a difficult environment.

July 1, 2010PowerPhrase: If you were me, what questions would you ask now?

OOOPS – if you found yourself here while looking for this post,

“Poison Phrase:Pursuant to our existent agreement regarding proceeding in a prudent amount of time, we are invoicing you for services previously rendered. Please advise if you elect to utilize our services in the future,”

it’s now located at the link below with a new title. The original post for this address is below. Sorry!

Poison Phrase:From personal to impersonal like someone flicked a switch

If you were me, what questions would you ask?

I was on the phone with David discussing his offer. A couple of questions I asked were particularly useful. I didn’t just take notes on what David had to say, I took notes on what I said. Here are a couple of my questions for him.

• If you were me right now, what questions would you ask?

and,

• If there was a downside, what would it be?

June 25, 2010Free webinar on how to address gossip and manipulation. Meryl Runion, sponsored by McGraw Hill

Gossip got you down at work? Is manipulation a standard for communication in your office? For some leaders and managers, an adversarial, diminishing communication culture is so common that we don’t even notice anymore.

But what if you – whether you have leader or manager in your title or not – had the phrases to nip destructive communication habits in the bud and cultivate a collaborative workplace?

And what if you could access those phrases for free?

McGraw Hill is sponsoring a free webinar series on communication in the workplace. I’ll be presenting the first one, July 27th,

Check it out and reserve your spot!

June 25, 2010Do you care too much? Jann Arden’s “Insensitive” seeks insensitivity lessons. HT be appropriately sensitive.

In the course of a deck-side conversation that spanned a number of topics, Online Image Consultant Mimi Tenace and I found ourselves concluding that we never want to depersonalize our businesses or lose our capacity to care about clients. Sometimes it can be inconvenient to care, but it’s much better than the alternative.

I listened to Jann Arden’s fabulous song Insensitive yesterday, enjoying the irony of her request to a dismissive lover that he offer her insensitivity lessons since he clearly is an expert in it. Here are some of her lyrics.

“I’m out of hope, I’m out of touch
I fell too fast, I feel too much
I thought that you might have
Some advice to give on how to be
Insensitive”

I have hung up the phone on several occasions wondering how some business people can be so insensitive to the human impact of their decisions. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wondered if the fact that I do care is a flaw. That thought becomes increasingly fleeting as 1) the world moves toward more personalization, 2) I increasingly find my people – who have caring as a part of their business MOs, and 3) my own commitment to integrating heart mind and will becomes stronger.  so I don’t offer insensitivity levels. I teach how to balance mind, heart and will in communication. Check out the video and then read three tips below.

Three ways to balance sensitivity with logic and action.

1) Speak in terms of what you think, feel and want.

2) Review situations from a detached perspective. Then review them from a fully engaged perspective. Then create a sentence the expresses them both. (You can do it!)

3) Use my PowerPhrases tutorial for a conversation you need to have. http://www.speakstrong.com/tutorial/

My books are excellent resources for finding the balance. too. I recommend SpeakStrong for this.

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