June 20, 2010Archetypes at work don’t always work like you’d think. Seth Godin
Seth Godin lists common workplace archetypes in his recent post
Archetypes at work.
At the end of the list he makes a fascinating point.
“Worth noting: very few jobs match the archetypes they share a name with. Nurses, for example, don’t get to spend much time at all doing actual nursing. If an archetype calls to you, don’t be fooled by a job that appears to match it but doesn’t.”
The world is full of creative people who have discovered that much of their time is spent marketing their work instead of performing it.
June 15, 2010Things I love about my husband series: #1. Carte blanche.
One of the things I love about my husband is he gives me carte blanche to post about him and our relationship. I don’t know if it comes from complete trust, being totally secure in his own identity or…could it be…detachment? I do know it gives me a wonderful sense of freedom.
Where are you hanging on with others when you could be giving carte blanche?
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- Free podcast and upcoming webinar ask what is gossip? Not so black and white.
- Reader success story ~ I know why he doesn’t trust you
- You can’t talk your way out of a problem you acted your way into – but you can act your way to a new level
- SS Reader question: Self esteem and Poison Phrases
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June 15, 2010She turned the car – and her life around
I missed the mother’s day opportunity for this post, but I want to share Nettie Hartsock’s sweet story with you. It’s about a mom who just couldn’t go back to work after her maternity leave. When she walked back in the door seven minutes after leaving, she explained to her huband,
“I turned the car around.”
Her husband’s reply?
- Sweetie, of course you turned the car around.
But they both knew she had turned her life around. She walked away from her career and was able to create another one that allowed her to be the kind of mother she wanted to be.
We all have to turn the car around from time to time.
June 10, 2010Poison Phrase: It is what it is
People complain that television normalizes violence. We see so much of it we don’t have human responses to it anymore. I agree. I also find that our corporate cultures have normalized ignominious corporate behavior.
It’s not that I think we should get self-righteous and fight to right every wrong. If we do that, we won’t have time to enjoy our lives. However, it is to say that if we grow indifferent to the outrage of it, we’ve lost some of our own humanity. Dismissive phrases like:
- It is what it is
ignore the fact that it doesn’t make it right, appropriate or ethical.
A reader submitted the “is what it is” phrase when I opened the discussion to pet peeve poison phrases. I didn’t understand the poison in it like I do now. I since found that truly good people use this to normalize ignominious corporate behavior.
May 17, 2010New Communication Dynamics @Smartmemes: SpeakStrong e.g. admins change office power memes while negotiating workload
If you don’t like the story behind what people say and the words they speak, change it. But how do you do that? Well, smartmeme.org is all about how to construct powerful stories to change the way people think. 
What’s a meme? Well, a ‘ meme (rhymes with dream) is a contagious information pattern, an idea that has taken on a life of its own. Memes are self-replicating cultural units such as ideas (“Fair Trade”), rituals (shaking hands), and symbols (the Nike swoosh or the peace sign) that spread virally from person to person.”
Rebecca Soinit says, “memes go to the heart of the problem-how we imagine the world, how language and belief shape possibility, and enlarge those possibilities by reframing and rethinking.”
It’s all about uncovering underlying assumptions, clarifying what we really believe, and presenting the new belief in a compelling way.
For example, at SpeakStrong, we challenge the old style leadership model of authoritarian power.We’re not the first to note how that dynamic is changing, but I continually respond to communication questions in ways that challenge that meme. I root out the underlying rankist philosophy of the questioner or their perceived nemesis, and respond in a way that creates an image of synocratic communication. I demonstrate that by sharing stories where the assistant communicated successfully from the synocratic perspective. For example, many admins believe they don’t have power. I share stories where the hero assumes what he or she wants matters and the manager responds. Here’s one.
Success story: Admin gracertively got manager to cut workload
Here’s an article from a success story a reader shared with me.
Savvy Assistant’s Success Story: An admin workload conversation
We don’t just want to get to the end of the work day with our dignity and our sanity -we want to change outdated memes into ones that are workable.
May 17, 2010Our squirrel finally gave up on the birdfeeder. Hilarious photo.
It was a valiant effort, but it looks like the birds won and the squirrel lost – but not before the squirrel had his fill. We had to hang the feeder above eye-level, which is where I wanted it. But I still get great views of the birds.
Here’s one of the squirrel before we had it high enough.
I have a new respect for squirrels. It took him a long time to figure out how to land on the feeder and he went flying a few times. We could all use such persistence!
He couldn’t climb down the chain – he had to leap from the banister.
The cat likes the view now.
And so do I.
It adds interest to my writing days.
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- This Week in the World ~ Poetry ~ Lessons from a feline love goddess and more.
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May 11, 2010If you’re afraid to rock the boat, remember,
In the right way, of course.
May 3, 2010PowerPhrase: I do not have time to hate, an emotional alchemy map
Nora Hooper sent out an email with a quote from the Japanese movie “Ikiur” or “To Live.” In response to the question, “Don’t you hate him?” the hero replied,
- I don’t have time to hate.
Nora continued her email with an inspiring discussion of how costly hate can be – and how the thought of hate leads her to think about love. (That’s something Nora is very good at.)
There are many reasons why we don’t have time to hate. One is that our hatred causes us to be defined by the person we hate. That makes them the master of our story instead of us being the master of our own stories.There’s incentive enough for me!
I don’t have time to hate either. But as a communication and emotional alchemist, I do have time to process hate and any other destructive emotion. I do have time to purify these emotions so I can harvest their wisdom, discard the negativity, and channel the energy in positive directions. Here’s an article to help get that process started. How to Speak Strong when you are unsure of how you feel.
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- What do you do when you get choked up during a critical conversation?
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- This Week in the World ~ Clean out your verbal and emotional closets
- PowerPhrase ~ You’ve done everything he’s asked you to do and you’ve done it well. Why wouldn’t he keep piling work on you?
- This Week in the World ~ Twitter, emotional awareness and skill, new article
April 18, 2010Twenty-somethings SpeakStrong communication
Hello Speak Strong Readers! I would like to formally introduce myself. My name is Ashley, I am Meryl’s Communications Director. I joined Meryl this past winter, coming from a marketing and customer service background. I will be addressing issues for twenty somethings as they are transitioning into a professional environment, and dealing with communication issues in school, work and personal life. I look forward to engaging in the Speak Strong community!
March 2, 2010HBR post nails the need to consider image in choosing words and Speaking Strong
What kind of person are you?
Are you the kind of person who works cheap? Are you the kind of person who helps those in need?
Peter Bregman highlights the importance of asking for things in ways that enhance self image in an article about motivation in Harvard Business Review. Bregman reported that when AARP asked some lawyers if they would reduce their fee to $30 an hour to help needy retirees, the lawyers declined. Then they asked the lawyers if they would do it for free. The lawyers agreed.
Bregman explains that when we consider whether to do something, we subconsciously ask ourselves: “Am I the kind of person who . . ?” When the lawyers were offered $30 an hour their question was “Am I the kind of person who works for $30 an hour?” Their answer was no. When they were asked to do it as a favor, they asked themselves, “Am I the kind of person who helps people in need?” Their answer to that question was yes.
Fascinating! Think of the implications. And then, think of what kind of person the people in your life think they are – and how your words might challenge or enhance those images.
Non-profit meeting planners sometimes ask me if I will speak for an honorarium instead of asking if I would speak for a reduced fee.
Writing partners will ask if their buddies would welcome input instead of if they need help.
Good managers say they will ask their staff to do things instead of saying they will tell them to do things.
People who speak for honorariums, receive input and are asked to do things feel different from those who reduce their fees, need help and are told what to do.
When you pick your words, stay aware of what kind of person you are signaling the other person to be. Choose words that dynamize their self-images and create momentum.
