For the audio for this session, Click Here

Welcome to lesson fifteen of Meryl Runion's eCourse, How to SpeakStrong.

Last week you learned the FACE formula to assert yourself. This week's lesson creates a context for you to assert yourself in. The CASE formula gives you a tool to address conflict, allowing for input on both sides.

C is for Clarify: clarify their position
Begin making your CASE by clarifying and acknowledging their position. You have a stronger platform to assert yourself once you're clear about their position. Ask questions to draw them out, and wait to offer your opinions until you both agree that you understand what they are talking about. (This step can be difficult. You will probably want to contradict them.)

A is for Assert: assert your position
Once you both agree that you understand their position, use your FACE formula to tell it like you see it. You can set the conversation up by suggesting:

Then move into the FACE Formula.

S is for Seek solutions: look for possible resolution
The best solutions for problems are the ones you decide together. Invite the other person to work with you to find solutions that work for both of you. (To do this, you can use the "E" part of the FACE formula to request that you work together for solutions, by saying:

Set the conflict resolution up as the two of you against the problem rather than the two of you against each other.

A good approach to this is to brainstorm 20 possible solutions. Don't evaluate yet - allow this to be a right- brain, creative process instead of a left-brained analytical process.

E is for Evaluate options: review each option for pros and cons
Now it's time to review each option. Even if some of the options are absurd, consider if there are any grains of truth in them. You might get a viable idea from an absurd one. Your evaluation might illustrate the need to go back and seek further solutions until you have enough solutions to select.

Follow up
No conflict management session is effective without follow-up. Establish a follow-up session to examine how well the agreements are working and if and how you might want to adjust them.

I tell you how to use this in the audio for the lesson. I go into more detail about how to use the CASE Formula in my book PowerPhrases!. http://www.speakstrong.com/store/powerphrases.html

Remember to listen to the Week Fifteen Audio.

Thanks for participating, and keep on Speaking Strong.

© 2008 SpeakStrong and Meryl Runion

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For the audio for this session, Click Here

Welcome to lesson thirty seven of Meryl Runion's eCourse, How to SpeakStrong.

Leading the witness
My dad loves me. He is proud of me. He likes me to do well. Sounds good, right? Yes…and…sometimes his love shows up in limiting ways.

When we talk, Dad asks me lots of questions. Recently I became aware of how many of those questions are closed-ended.

Like:
• So you’re bounding with energy these days?
• Your business is exploding, right?
• Are you waxing genius in your writing?
• They loved you at your presentation, right?

Now, admittedly, it could be much worse. These questions are positive. If you have a negative father, you’d probably LOVE to have mine. And he is pretty great. Especially compared to fathers who ask negative questions, like:
• So, are you sitting on your butt most of the day?
• You do realize your business can’t stay good forever, don’t you?
• Are you blocked in your writing?
• Was your audience a bunch of idiots?

I’d much rather have a parent – or spouse – or friend – or colleague – that assumes the best and asks positive questions than one who assumes the worst and asks negative questions.

But both sets of questions are closed-ended, and they clearly indicate a right and a wrong answer. They shut the conversation down…in a way that “leads the witness.”

Open it up
Closed-ended questions don’t invite information. Open-ended ones do. Here are some open-ended question examples that open the conversation up.
• How’s your energy level these days?
• What are you working on now?
• Tell me about your writing.
• Describe the people at your presentation?

Open vs. Closed sentence stems
Some words to start your sentences (sentence stems) are more likely to lead to open questions, and others are more likely to lead to closed questions.

Closed-ended questions often begin with:
• How long…
• Have you…
• Do you…
• Would you…
• Did you…

Open-ended questions often begin with:
• What about…
• Explain…
• Tell me about…
• What do you…?
• What got you…?
• Describe…

Unless you want a fast answer, use open-ended questions.

Instead of asking:
• Are things changing in your department?

Ask…
• (I’ll let you practice here.)

If you really do want a fast answer with minimal detail, closed questions are fine. Just don’t word your question in a way that makes it clear what answer you’re looking for.

But this week, practice opening the dialogue with open-ended questions.

Have a fabulous, open-ended week.

Thanks for participating, and keep on Speaking Strong.

Remember to listen to the Week 37 Audio.

© 2008 SpeakStrong and Meryl Runion