How to start a tough conversation at work

When your new baby is born (or, in this case, your book is released) it's gratifying when others see its beauty. Sharlyn Lauby posted a very well-written review of Diane Windingland and my Perfect Phrases for Icebreakers. 

What I particularly liked was the objections she overcame as she read the phrases, and how she went to skeptical - "Really?! A book of phrases?! Is this necessary?!" - to supportive. Here is a passage from her review. 

"If you know someone who is looking for suggestions in the best way to start a conversation, this book could be valuable. Using my example of the manager trying to start a tough conversation, the book offers a few tips:

1. I'd like to ask your permission to raise a sensitive subject.

2. I have some things to say that I imagine will be hard to hear. I think it's important you know, and that's why I want to have this conversation.

3. I wish I had better news to share. I'll tell you straight out, answer your questions, and explore next steps with you.

Each of us has moments when we're looking for a better way to say something. This book can help."

Thanks, Sharlyn!

I resisted the idea of a book of icebreakers at first myself. But eventually I realized how important they are. If you want to talk about things that matter, what foot you get off on initially makes all the difference.

By the way, the book isn't just about starting difficult conversations. It also has ways to strike up conversatons with people you just met, how to get meeings off on the right foot, and a plethora of fun icebreaker games for groups. They're fun - and purposeful. 

It's available here (with great discounts for bulk) and at Amazon. You never know when how you start a conversation will really matter. 

I wrote two new books over the summer that are in production now. Perfect Phrases for Icebreakers with Diane Windingland is due out in January, and Perfect Phrases for Virtual Teamwork is due to be released in March. (Now you know why I've been so quiet.)

I’m also leading a two-day training camp for administrative professionals in Phoenix next month. I hope to see you there. There is still space available.

I created some really great programs for the continuous improvement and lean community, and am moving more deeply into how to use kata – or practices – to communicate in ways that develop problem-solving abilities. You can check out the slides for Kata Talk, the very popular session I presented in a delightful and successful collaboration with Toyota Kata author Mike Rother.

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I'll combine my SpeakSTRONG Method with wisdom from Toyota and other learning organizations to help you get people to show up and care in a webinar through Workplace Training Center on May 25th.

If you like the PowerPhrase from Mike Rother that I just posted, you'll love the information I'll share at that event. It's good for getting results and it's good for CEUs. Read more and register here.

Chillibreeze is a group that makes power point templates among other things. I purchased a few from them. 

Today they sent me an offer of The Plain English Guide. It's quite good. I'd say I could have written it except that I don't know - or didn't know - the names of all the rules I appy when I write to simplify.

So check it out. Interestingly - it's out of India. And they seem to have Plain English down.

One point in the manual is about how Hemmingway was challenged to write a story in six words. He wrote: 

• For sale: baby shoes. Never used.

Less really can be more, can't it!

What a month since I sent my last newsletter. 

I had surgery on one eye and can see things I never saw before - including colors and street-signs.

I'm having surgery on the other eye Wednesday.

I played Scrabble in Cincinnati with my 91-year old dad and it was so much fun. I'm going back for another round this Sunday.

And I spoke at a Lean Manufacturing conference for the Young President's Organization and fell in love with Lean Manufacturing. I'm going back for another Lean conference next week. 

Now, it might seem a bit odd to say I fell in love with a manufacturing system. I have that feeling where you just want to ask: "where have you been all my life? I'm so enjoying getting to know you'. I talk about my experience on a radio interview on Lean Nation Radio. You can listen to the podcast.
Why Lean? Well, I'm still figuring that out, myself, but I will say that I love how Lean is as dynamic as the world is and as my approach to communication is.

And that's why my heart is singing. More later.

Last fall, Karl, the CEO of Vibco, a manufacturing company that applies Lean Manufacturing, bought copies of my books for all his managers and found them to be very effective. He also hired me to speak for a YPO (Young Presidents' Organization) Lean Manufacturing event. I attended the entire conference and was surprised by how meaningful the event was for me. I gave the closing keynote, which I customized to guide the leaders toward having effective conversations about implementing what they had learned when they returned to their companies.

During the conference, I discovered a whole new world of like-minded people sincerely interested in creating productive work environments where everyone wins. I'm still processing what happened for me, but I will say it was exhilarating, affirming and transformative. I talked about it with Karl on his radio show Lean Nation last Tuesday. You can listen to the podcast here.

The conference was brilliantly structured to make the information transformational and practical. I will talk about that as a part of a webinar I'm offering for Professional Development University. It's called "Applying Classroom Learning to Workplace Reality". You can read about it here. http://www.professionaldevelopmentuniversity.com/Prod-2308.aspx?sourceCode=RUN324

There is a fee for each station that registers and you can get CEU credits for attending.

I also offer a free webinar to any group that purchases any of my books by the box. 

There's a difference between learning how to do something and actually doing it. It's great to know how to bridge the gap.

There's a difference between learning how to do something—and actually doing it. There's a difference between having the tools to make changes and actually changing things. The best information in the world is useless without the essential pieces to put it into practice.

Last week I attended an incredibly well-planned conference that was structured to make the information real. 

That's only one of many examples I will use to illustrate how classroom reality and book learning can be applied in a workplace reality. It's through Professional Development University - there is a fee for each station. Everyone who attends earns CEUs. 

Applying Classroom Learning to Workplace Reality

March 24, 2011 
1:30 – 3:00 PM Eastern Time

A reader sent me this:

"Here’s how to use a keynote speaker.  Tell them you want them to talk to 10% of the people attending the retreat prior to their speech, and then to summarize their findings as the top three ideas or action items that would benefit this company. If the speaker isn’t excited by this process, pass - no matter how many best-selling books they have or how good your friend said they are."

I'm doing just that in a couple of weeks. 

@Ned Disposable got fired on Facebook September 29, 2010. @Susie925 got her notice through twitter just a few days later. Their paved roads crumbled. They have since discovered unpaved opportunities.

Me? I wasn't even on the radar. I got my notice of a decision that impacted me heavily from someone I didn't know who assumed I had been told. Everyone else had! But don't you worry about me! I determined to turn my misadventure into a transformational life journey and I'm liking what I'm finding.  

Corporate ignominy might take you down, but don't let it take you out. When your paved road crumbles, you have lots of bad choices - and some really good ones, too.

Follow the adventures of Ned, Susie and me, as we find opportunity in some really challenging experiences. This is a book trailer for the books SpeakSTRONG and PowerPhrases. It's also great fun, and an invitation for you to think, live and speak transformationally. If you miss the lyrics or the life test questions, I post them for you here. 

It's time to make the change official. For years, the SpeakSTRONG Method has been guided by the principles of communicating clearly, kindly and directly. That has felt a bit restrictive for some time now. That's why, in  2011, the guiding principles are changing to speak: clearly, sincerely and effectively.

Clarity communicates discernment -  thoughts, facts and opinion. It gives voice to the mind. Clarity stays.

Kindness and sincerity are both communications of the heart. However, you can be kind without having your heart really in it. You can't be sincere without having your heart really in it. "Kind" is transforming into "sincere" in the SpeakSTRONG motto.

Direct and effective communication both are communications of will. Directness is a quality I and many of my readers have needed to develop.  However, sometimes a less direct approach is more effective than direct one. We need to know how and when to be direct, and how and when to be indirect. We balance both approaches to be effective - and even transformative.

Would you like to develop the ability to speak clearly, sincerely and effectively in 2011? Join us for my New Year New You webinars. They're free! How cool is that?