"Would you be willing to help me untangle the strings in this box?" Dr. Estes asked her client. The lady, all tied up in knots herself, was happy to. The counseling session proceeded almost as normal, but seemed a bit lighter than usual.
When the session was almost complete, Dr. Estes asked the woman about her method for untangling the strings. The response inspired them both. She said,
- First you must loosen the knots.
The client knew she was speaking advice to herself. She needed to loosen her own knots before she could untangle them.
Sometimes I need to loosen knots before I can speak strong. That means establishing rapport, showing grace or creating context. It's setting a tone of mutuality.
And sometimes we need to loosen knots in failed systems. My first journal entry about leaning my world to life was titled "Our house is full." The first step in creating a flow in our home was to loosen the knots (free up the gridlock) so I could begin to untangle them. There's that space for grace theme again.
The thing about that is, there often isn't much to show when you loosen things. It's like much of the creative process. It can seem like nothing is happening, and then somehow, what was so hard becomes easy.