"Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say Without Being Mean When You Say It" ~ Meryl Runion Rose                                ShoppingCart Plum NB 50

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Effective Communication Skill Blog

powerphrase_icon2What are you taking into 2011 and what are you leaving behind? I read Sandra Martini's post tiled A Different Way to Plan for 2011 with interest. Martini lists things and people she won't be taking into the new year with her. I think we all can relate to the frustrating behaviors she names and the boundaries she sets to makes 2011 even more joyful and productive than 2010. From vendors who don't deliver and clients who don't implement and companies that don't service and associates who complain incessantly, Martini is moving on.

Like Martini, I've moved on from relating in ways that don't work. And I have dropped some associations that don't fit. But I've done more recalibrating than eliminating. Many of the vendors and clients and associates ARE moving into 2011 with me - but in whole new ways. We renegotiated our way of working together.

People who couldn't handle big projects for me are doing smaller projects. People who weren't able to get back to me quickly are doing things that aren't timely. Some people drifted out of the scene early in the year because it wasn't a fit and are back now in ways that work. I left many relationship dynamics behind, but am keeping the relationships themselves. These people I value are still in my life because we didn't eliminate, we recalibrated. in fact, my last book was coauthored with a friend after we recalibrated how we worked together and went from a dynamic that didn't work to a delightful collaboration. 

I find when I start this conversation, people often think recalibration is a euphemism for moving on, until we really figure out a new way of relating and start doing it. 

I love Martini's article. It's a great boundary-setter, and we all need to do that at times. I would have liked to have read what she IS bringing into the new year. We often focus on what don't want to the exclusion of what we do. And it also can lead to throwing the baby out with the bath.  But before you slash and burn, decide if you can recalibrate instead. Before you kick that person out of your life, say,

  • (Honey,) we need to recalibrate.
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©2015 Meryl Runion Rose. Meryl is a Certified Speaking Professional and the Creator of the SpeakStrong Method of Dynamically Effective Communication. Find her at www.SpeakStrong.com

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