"Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say Without Being Mean When You Say It" ~ Meryl Runion Rose                                ShoppingCart Plum NB 50

Be Strong. Be Clear. Be Kind. Be Free. Be YOU!!!

Effective Communication Skill Blog

Alchemist in Meryl.150Communication skills are great in theory, but how are they in practice? This Effective Communication Skill Blog shows you how to walk the SpeakStrong talk. I'm Meryl Runion Rose. Join our conversation about Communication Alchemy, and saying what you mean and meaning what you say... without being mean when you say it.

The Communication Alchemist is IN. Are you IN too?

Sailing Through Previously Tough Conversations

Chiroprator careers doctors 300When I couldn't get my chiropractor Ray to lighten his adjustments, I stopped seeing him for about a year. When I returned, he seemed much more receptive - and less inclined to blame me for "resisting." 

But I still was unable to get him to respect my desire to focus on the adjustment. Ray just likes to talk. I have requested more meditative, focused care many times.

Recently Ray had three people in ahead of me, and the conversation was intense. When they finished and I was on the table, the previous client asked about sudden death syndrome. Ray responded while adjusting. It felt frenetic and unfocused. I sat up and said,

  • I'll wait until you finish your conversation.

Ray ended the conversation and focused on me. But he still wanted to chit chat. 

The next time I saw him I was able to speak with him privately. I painted a picture of the environment I like to receive care in. I compared chit chat during treatment to chit chat in intimacy or meditation. He resisted, of course, and told me I'd have to remind him every time because he has so many people and so many different energies that he can't be expected to remember. I told him he was making my point for me - that was the very reason he needed to pause, however briefly, to tune in to who is on his table.

He heard me. The adjustment was deep, settled and magical. Some joints moved that had not moved before.

The time after that, Ray refrained from chit chat with me, but for no reason I could discern, he directed the chatter with the woman ahead of me to a discussion of The Museum of Torture. Since there were others in the room, I addressed that in a later email. I noted,

  • I know you recognize the invocational power of words. How did that topic contribute to her or my experience?

He heard me.

Here's the thing. I've been seeing Ray for ten years. It took that long to make these points clearly and for him to hear me. 

I've been sailing through conversations that previously were challenging. And that makes life much sweeter, not just in my chiropractor's office. 

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Trust, Time and Kindness

brain-tree 300I was fascinated to read that Carl Jung had a patient with an obvious problem that he was unable to address directly for years. Jung felt like a fraud at times, but his measured approach was vindicated after several years when the patient declared himself cured. The patient then calmly described the issue that Jung had been aware of early in the care. Had Jung confronted the man directly before he was ready, the client would have abandoned the process. The client thanked Jung for staying with him long enough for him to learn to trust him.

We all need trust to be truthful. If we aren't being truthful or someone isn't truthful with us, it's time to shift the focus from the issue to trust. Talking about trust can be part of that process, but the bigger trust comes from repeated experiences of being respected and honored. 

SpeakStrong isn't about brutal honesty. It is about considered sincerity. Dare to be strong, care to be kind. And sometimes you have to dare to be kind. Not easy in a world that imagines Rome was built in a day.

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Magical moments and fleeting treasures

Jar 300Bob and I went to see Saving Mr. Banks and spoke of the magical impact Walt Disney had on us. Bob keeps a list of ordinary miracles he experiences every day. Things like a client cancelling, which then leaves an opening that allows him to do something he would have had to miss.

In a similar vein, after I posted about Burning Bowl Ceremony for letting go of the past, a reader wrote me about her ritual. She wrote:

"I have not heard of the burning ceremony before, but what a great idea!

This year my two best friends and I have decided to get a large jar each and every time something happens that makes you feel good, an experience, something nice someone said to you or just a fun day, we will write it on a piece of paper and put it in the jar; we have asked our husbands and kids to do the same. Then on New Year we will all share our wonderful jar's together.. it is easy to forget simple things that made us happy throughout the year and this will be a lovely reminder."

What we put our attention on really does grow stronger in our lives. Why not create your own ritual for anchoring magical moments and fleeting treasures?

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Awesome power of emotion

A co-traveler in my SpeakStrong journey and I were talking about the power that gets unleashed in melt-downs and hissy-fits. She noted it was scary, as if it was power beyond what she knew how to handle or control. It is powerful, and it is beyond control. That's why it's important to get that energy and emotion (emotion = energy in motion) conscious so we can keep an eye on it. 

I feel safer around assertive people who aren't holding a river of unspoken emotion back behind a veneer of nice. I feel alive around people who don't sit on emotion. There is so much power in our emotions that it takes a lot of our vitality to hold it back. It just makes sense to work with it instead of against it. 

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Dance with the Archetypes - If You Dare

Kids Dance 300My revision of my communication style types is taking much longer than I anticipated. I expected it to go quickly because I've been teaching the information for years. It's taking longer because I'm not looking at the communication styles from an objective, academic perspective. I'm living each of them and speaking from its voice. I'm dancing with each Archetype as I write. 

For example, to describe the Visionary style, I embody the Visionary. If I've been working with plans and details and facts and focus that are the domain of other styles, it requires a significant toggle to shift into a whole different style of viewing the world.

For example, I might write on the Visionary lesson and later come to realize I was coming from the Clarifier mindset. I see what was invisible to me at the time - instead of being playful in my writing, I list playfulness as a quality. 

The night before last I had an emotional melt-down and a hissy-fit in the wee hours of the morning. I experienced it as new energies wanting to be lived, not just described. I trust those eruptions and end up stronger once they settle. 

I had planned to launch my SpeakStrong Method Made Easy eCourse next week, but it's not going to be ready. It's really true - some things can't be rushed. It's also true, good things are worth waiting for. 

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SpeakStrong When You're Sick

Headache lCassia Here!

There is  a "culture" of being sick.  It's an expectation that you should have certain symptoms, look and act a certain way before you get to replenish yourself.  And that means you go to bed, because it's that bad. Forget that! There really isn't a proper expectation on what people (you) should do when sick. 

Why lay in bed all day, whimpering, coughing and sniffling, if really, you should be doing something that enlivens your spirit?  Enjoy a good laugh, have a great conversation, do something fun but relaxing. 

Just because you don't have the energy to do something dull and draining doesn't mean you can't do anything at all.

Let's work on changing that perspective.  Wouldn't it be great if society would embrace a "healing" culture more than a "sick" culture?

 Now, excuse me while I go heal.

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Skipped Steps

MIke Rother forwarded this from Seth Godin. Rother notes, "We call this 'concepts without kata'". Been there?

Concepts without kata

In some organizations, leadership and/or management will follow-up by walking around and saying things like, "Just do it!" and "I believe in you" or "I expect a perfect owl by Monday."

If you wonder where I am when I go silent these days, I'm developing a more useful and far less frustrating guide than the above.dark-purple-divider-line

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A Personal Theme for a Year

tea.300Something incredible happened yesterday. I'm not ready to talk about it - it's still sinking in to my being.

I am ready to share my theme for 2014. (I enjoy a fantasy that you're on the edge of your chair wondering what it is, like the latest Apple release. I also enjoy the fact that I don't mind if no one really is.) 

So my theme for 2014 is a refinement of 2013's Lean2Life and create Space for Grace. It's personal, because it's the balance I need. It probably won't work for you at all - your best theme is personal too. Drum roll please.

My 2014 theme to guide my steps is: Measured Steps.

The longer version is Mindful Measured Steps for Dynamic Wholeness. It's a year of taking it one step at a time, being mindful of each one. And it's a year of measurement. 

I'm one who doesn't use a recipe. I'm one who follows her sense of things. Gradually it has dawned on me that I could benefit by paying more attention to specific amounts. I even got a rain gauge, inspired by the flooding and reported amounts on TV station Facebook pages and they announced them. I found I liked being more measured.

I'll never be like Sharon who records every bite she takes and records her fat, protein, carb and sugar intake. Sharon has a precise target for each of those every day. It's fun for her. It probably would never be fun for me. But I can measure how much coconut oil I put on my lunch.

I'm enjoying increasingly augmenting my sense of things with measurements. I notice I'm fading and decide it's time to take a break - how long did I work? This tea is perfect - what blend did I create?

This is all obvious to some. It's amazing to me. And transforming.

It's also fun.

What's your theme for 2014? How will you use it to enrich your life?

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A Warm Hello to 2014: Dare, Care, Focus and Flow

Sun 300I had planned to share my 2014 theme today, but I woke up feeling my inner radiance shining big time.

The writing I'm doing now is centering me in a way I've never experienced before. I find myself able to be powerfully enriched, but not defined by people, ideas and experiences. I'm also rediscovering my Inner Visionary - part of my nature that has both fueled my passion and gotten me into trouble by motivating me to overreach. It feels like I can flow and be free again without losing my center, my focus, my heart and my resolve. Yay!

My 2014 theme is still perfect for me, but my exuberance inspired me to post a 2014 greeting that speaks more to the wholeness of SpeakStrong. So here you go.

 


May you:
dare to be strong,
care to be kind,
focus to be clear, and
flow to be free.

Most of all:
To thine whole self be true 

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A Sweet Goodbye to 2013

Burning Bowl 3002013 was good to us - and we were good to it. We committed to developing space for grace, and we did. We comitted to increasing balance, and we did. We narrowly escaped fire in 2012 and floods in 2013, and we were changed for the better by the experiences. 

I'm going to a burnng bowl ceremony tonight - where we write what we want to let go of going in to 2014, and burn it. My letting go has changed. It's not about abruptly ending a behavoir. It's about giving myself the option not to do those things.

In 2014, I don't have to wear clothes that are uncomfortable or keep the itchy labels on them. I don't have to craft my words to impress anyone. I don't have to remake Bob or anyone into my own image. I don't have to keep working when my spirit cries out for movement and play. I don't have to be as random and approximate in how I do things. I don't have to follow every creative impulse. I don't have to be understood. I don't have to be able to explain what I know in order to trust it. I don't have to share budding thoughts before they take root. I don't have to hide my heart behind cold objectivity.

All wonderful things not to have to do. I have a whole year to practice choosing not to. Tomorrow I will tell you my theme for next year. Lean2Life and Space for Grace were fabulous guiding lights in 2013. 2014 will have its own lights. 

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A Clear Day

Sun 300Our Stay-cation was a resounding success. Bob and I both feel renewed by it. We also both feel clear - although we had very different initial definitions of clarity. For me, it was a sense of conscious awakeness. My meditations were deeper and I felt a sense of balance. For him, it was thinking functions. He could remember names from childhood and actors in movies. That indicated to him that his mind was working well.

There was a time when I judged my definition as superior. Not anymore. I added his definition of clarity to my own.

I'm playing with themes for the days of the week. Saturday was Joy Day. I played, kicked up my heels at dance and fed my spirit. Sunday was Grace Day. I rested, settled in with Bob and fed the sweetness of my heart. Today is Clear Day. After letting my mind rest a bit, today I will focus on the parts and the plans and enjoy the logical nature of my mind (as Bob does by default.) Tomorrow is Strong Day. More about that and the rest of the week later.

It's an experiment. This experiment makes a structure I've practiced intuitively more concrete. Or, I could say, more clear, logical and structured. After all, today is Clear Day. And so far, I'm liking it. 

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Wisdom From Childhood Buddies

basket for a picnic with tableware and foods 300I have my theme set for 2014. Do you have yours?

I know what I want to cultivate, and I'm still reflecting about what I want to let go of. I figure it's not a New Year resolution in the sense of imposing different habits and being a different person as much as a New Year theme to cultivate qualities over the year.

More later. Today I want to tell you about my newly rediscovered childhood friends "Lynn" and Mary. 

I posted a picture on Facebook of myself playing a toy guitar in front of a Christmas tree at about age five. I noted that I used to sing as I walked around the block hoping to be discovered. Lynn commented, "Very few of us get discovered. If we're lucky, we eventually discover ourselves". She seems to have discovered herself. After five strokes she is currently living in a nursing home with an excellent sense of humor about such topics as how "Scrooge Insurance won't approve a wheelchair I can get up from".

Mary has discovered herself too. She posted about a dream where she was not at all impressed with a classy nightclub, and sat with friends on a colorful picnic table that turned into a magic carpet. They were careful to fly beneath the power lines.

Clearly Mary has discovered magic in the ordinary. I love her image of flying below the power lines. Great metaphor! I say we can fly above them, too. Just don't fly right in to them. In other words, there is plenty of room to enjoy our own lives in our own ways as long as we are aware of where those power lines are. Direct confrontation is necessary at times, but often we have plenty of room to be ourselves, as long as we stay aware of the lines of power around us.

I am delighted by my recently rediscovered treasure in dear old friends.

I delighted in this song yesterday about loving in spite of ourselves. John Prine.

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Article Use

Please copy, quote, distribute, share and publish these articles with the following credits.

©2015 Meryl Runion Rose. Meryl is a Certified Speaking Professional and the Creator of the SpeakStrong Method of Dynamically Effective Communication. Find her at www.SpeakStrong.com

Let me know how you use them. Thanks!  

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